Glimpse 28

It's been quite some time since I last blogged.  My daughter told me she thought I should start again.. so, I'm back, for now.  That glimpse from my window is now shrouded with new townhomes and yet, the one from my soul, is still as transparent and chaotic as ever.

In dog years, I'm ancient.  In human years, I'm not yet 60, and yet today, I feel as old as time itself.  The seat of my soul has had many conscious preponderances upon it recently.   What kind of a life do I want in this last 30 or so years?  Partnership, marriage (again?  3rd times a charm?), singlehood, (it has it's charms and advantages)  What are three of the most important values I can live and impart to my new grandson?  Who am I as a mother of an adult woman with a child and what does that show up as?  What do I really want to do in my career to leave a legacy, or is what I've already done, "it" and it just doesn't feel like it.  Will I grow my hair out or will I cut it even shorter than I just did?  Who am I, today... and how will I show up in my truest form, now.  Tomorrow never comes in my world.

I've learned a lot about myself since I last stopped in - haven't we all?  Good, bad or indifferent.  While much has happened, the only real, sustainable change is my daughter's gift of a son to our world.  That's a game changer.  On a deep, deep level, this changes who you are - this "someone in the world is entitled to see me in a new role" gig.   I will bear a label beyond my gender, race, and other fact based knowns - I will bear the label grandmother, nana, gramma, whatever it is he chooses to call me.  And, I will love him from here to eternity, without exception, just as I do my daughter.

I am still fascinated that I am capable of loving, without exception, forever, willingly and knowingly and not hesitating for a moment, this love of my child and her child, of my mother and father and even my siblings - and even a few dear friends and yet... I find it a mystery to be capable of it (at least as of this writing) with one man in a partnership.  Perhaps I am not wired to see relationship with anyone outside of that circle as permanent - perhaps I see very little pay off to my efforts with someone not quite in my inner circle.  So far, not so good.  And, when I think about it, (hedonism here we come) I have always taken the high road, stayed loving and kind and when a boundary has been broached or crossed over, said my farewells, but still continued on, on my version of the high road.  And that is the right thing to do - it's also the only thing to do, because becoming ugly, mean, vindictive, manipulative, ill mannered...well I just have witnessed that would hurt me just as much as it's hurt the people I've witnessed trying it out.  No thanks.

So I am of love and I receive love and love is all around me.  Maybe that's what the rest of this journey remains to be about.  Recognizing, honoring and being love - in an even bigger way.  That would be a good value, an excellent legacy - with or without long hair.  My truest form might just be considered a sap by some folks - but I was born to believe in each individual, as perfect, as they are, in this moment and to either stand beside or call them forward, not to hold them back or punish them for things done or undone to me or others.

Yep - that's what I discovered just now - like deeply.  As Angie said, I'm going to let my freak flag fly... This is my flag, and I'm waving it - come hither only if you want to be loved, stood with or called forward.  The rest of the world can take a flying leap.

Glimpse 27 - WTF

It's been awhile. My mind has been going in a hundred places, got sick, got well, got busy, got distracted, got milk? No actually, I'm out... put that on the list of one hundred and one things to do as well sometime soon. The WTF is all about my level of awareness of who and what I allow to influence my and your choices and how that's landing with me.

This week I've just had my fill of people addressing me in facebook posts, television news and advertising or politicians all appealling or calling me out as if I reside in a place of scarcity, lack, fear or less than-ness, hopelessness. (was it really that long ago that the Chilean miner's crept up the pipe to terra firma?) And what gauls me more is main stream marketing has worked like this for years and now, a lot of coaches are seemingly using this "don't be like this, come to me in the promised land" bull$hit to make their mark.

Oh I get it, sex and fears of all sorts sell things.. enough already. Someone famous, I don't care who, said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Good. Good. Good. Now to figure that piece out.

In my life, I'm calling for a moratorium of anyone utilizing people's fears about being less than creative, resourceful and whole to call them forward to buy, learn or do something new. Bahh Bahhh Bahhhh go the sheep -Please, just sit down for a stinkin minute in the silence of your self and take stock and inventory - realize what truly is truth for you. SHOCKER! You're fine. You've been in better and worse emotional or experiential pickles than what you are most likely in. Stop judging and stop buying in to the bull$hit and start recognizing, remembering, knowing, owning your own dang power -- you know the one that says you are creative resourceful and whole enough to get on through to any "other side" you want. A good friend once said to me, "Cyn, what if this is as good as it gets?" --- when clearly it wasn't.. I stepped up and made new choices for myself. I began to regard everything as it is, a temporary piece of time that will move on, with or without me. I chose not to go screaming and kicking through life as a victim of some sort of cruel universal hoax from that day forward. I stood up and took responsibility and it's served me well.

How do you take responsibility for yourself? Has it crossed your mind that all the issues in your life are because you want someone or something else to change - but not you? That said, (mea culpa) sometimes action means just sitting down with yourself and taking time to bring to mind that you do have choice, in all you do. And, to me, the biggest one is my choice of attitude. Who and what and how I let situations or people influence me, is of my own choosing. I'm making a few new choices this week.

Come at me with that stinkin thinkin thing about me being some part of a huddled, mindless, fearful mass and I'll be more than happy to change channels, delete, dislike button or in some cases, speak out about your negligent attempts to manipulate me (and probably yourself) and re-focus you on my more upward bound version of the truth.

It is what it is kids - you have what it takes - now go, get on with it.

Glimpse 26 - What are you good at?

A challenging question was posed to me by a very dear and very respected friend. I contemplated re-organizing what it is I call myself and what it is I do and how best to get there and he simply asked, "What are you good at?" I said I wasn't certain of any of it any more... So he asked if he could make a request (I grin because coaches know there are three ways to go when someone makes a request of you - yes you may, no you may not or counter offer the request with some changes....) His request was for me to sit down and note all the things I'm good at - whether I enjoyed them or not, just make note of them. I accepted the request. Hung up the phone and I began.

The MS Word screen from my computer stupified me and I sat with a blank document for 20 minutes. I switched to paper and pencil and a new venue, at my dining room table. The paper sat blank for 10 minutes. Then I began to quietly cry.

I'm a big stickler for truth and clarity with others and of course, with myself. I felt and thought I could write down, good cook, good music afficianado, good driver, good pet owner, good -- well you get it.. I thought those things would come tumbling out - and those and more - didn't.

I was stopped, dead in my tracks unable to write or utter a word. And I sat with a sadness I had not felt in years... and years... It was like writing it down made some declaration of certainty, I am good at _____! What always came to mind was I would think of someone else who could do it better than I or how I didn't know the definition of "good"... really... I didn't? It all boiled down to me saying, I'm good at being me. And therein, more tears appeared. I think it was telling me something. I was quite sure I didn't believe myself.

Coaches listen for pace, pitch, tone and timber in people's voice. Coaches listen for engagement, connection, disconnection, hesitancy, courage, bravado, intention, consistency, doubt, certainty, passion, disillusion - and a million other things... And in listening to myself I found I had left myself quite unconvinced that I knew much of anything about me. Really.

And all this came about because I want to re-engineer what it is I do, how I support, what I teach and how I myself learn and provide service in this world - with one powerful question. "What are you good at?" I could debate that what I am good at might not matter one iota about what it is I do or create next. If that were true, why all the emotion, doubt and self-ridicule around such a simple question.

We all often get "stuck" in our own belief systems when it comes time to make a decision about something just a titch further out beyond our comfort levels. Knowing what our belief's are and taking time to examine how they push or pull us forward is an important piece of work in each examined life I get paid to work with... well any life for that matter.

And in my own... it is a struggle... and I will not short cut this piece for myself on my way to wherever else it is my curiosity and desire to be of service will take me. When I come up and out of this box, I will be able to stand up and say, I am good/great/excellent at _____. And a part of being able to say it, even if it's only to myself, I am quite certain, is whatever comes up will be those things I know I want to learn even more about.

I'm also going to make a list that says, "Things I suck at or know nothing about and want to know more about ____." Perhaps one will support the other, perhaps not. I don't know, but I do know, for myself, I'm going to find out what I believe I'm good at.

If you can answer the question with the ease I thought I could before I started the exercise, bravo!!! Do share.... if not... take some time with it and do let me know, What are you good at?

Glimpse 25 - Glimpses of hope on the horizon

Good intentions, focused intentions, intentions for the greater good and their related programs, products and people who take action to deliver them never die... there are glimpses of hope on the horizon. I am pleased.

Glimpse 24 - In service to what?

"The key to power when it comes to your work life is to remember that you are there in the service of God. Our career is not something that we go out and find. Your perfect career is something that emerges from deep within you. When you are aligned with the truth within yourself then you magnetize people and circumstances which align with that truth. When you are disassociated with the deeper truth about yourself then you create situations in your life which reflect that disassociation." -- Marianne Williamson Meditations for a Miraculous Life

I heard that yesterday morning as I began a new "Monday Musings" time for myself - an hour, rich and rife with fodder and content of meditation lead by someone else's inner to outer dialogue, someone other than my own. And I adored this passage because it hits so deeply to what I've learned in my own life and most especially from coaching countless people and organizations the last 10+ years.

The key to power... it starts... power... not like "I am the King or Queen of" but more like "gas in my tank" is how I took that... an abundant source of energy, to have choices = power. So many people have walked through my life door, tired, exhausted, without power, searching for something they don't seem to be able to grasp - a new job, an enhanced relationship, more productivity from self, sales people or fund raisers, inspiration to be a better teacher, principal, engineer, minister, health care worker, parent, more money, more time, more fun, more purpose -- all of it, right there in the center of their soul... just not connected yet.

If I asked you the information on your driver's license, you'd be able to rattle it off quickly to me. If I asked you what are the five most important belief's you hold and function from daily - I've not been as successful finding anyone able to rattle them off on their first try. What does this say about your own alignment with what Marianne calls the "aligned with the truth within yourself?" And if, by chance, you can rattle them off quickly, can you define them for me and tell me how they show up in your life and choices daily, supported by you and those around you? Yeah, well... there ya have it.

Each of you who have worked with me know about those first few weeks of exploring and learning your value system and what you need or require daily to have the kinds of days you want to live in or the success you want as you define it. So this comes as no surprise to any of you - how completely out of touch most people are with what makes them tick and how completely unaware of it they are. Coaching is about that... it is about discovering what the truth in you is, empowering you (putting gas in your tank) to draw you forward, willingly, not push you forward... and yet......... in service to what?

My sense here is that the successful people I've worked with may or may not call what their life's work or passion is "in service to God" in all cases - yet if you perceive the world around you as a place with living, breathing people that you love, you can call it whatever you want. Without the "in service to" something outside yourself - without that connection to something bigger, greater, more peaceful, cooler, warmer, quieter, whatever-er, people seem to falter, stall and become like the gerbils in the cage on their treadmills. Get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed, take a vacation once a year. Ugh.

In working with teens I often hear how much pressure is put upon them (and I also hear this in the 40+ crowd too) to be anything, to go anywhere, to have the world as their oyster, how lucky they are... and I so disagree with the open ended thoughts of "being anything." Their answers aren't out in the big wide world of expansive career skies, their answers are within. Often small and unheard, untended and undernourished... And perhaps, so are yours. You can be anything, anything you want to be, are connected with from the inside out...

If all you want is a job to get ahead, to pay the bills, to go to in the morning - go for it. If what you want seems impossible to get to from where you are - work with a coach - it's not impossible.

I have a client who, for fun, is an incredibly passionate guitar maker and hobby farmer - you ought to hear this person LIGHT UP when they talk about it - and then in the next sentence, they talk about corporate businesses and, the energy goes away and the "shoulda's" show up.

Does this mean this incredibly curious, kind, intelligent person needs to quit their day job and become a luthier and farmer for their living? No. Not necessarily. What these things do tell us is to dig a little deeper in the well of connecting our work and our life to things we enjoy and love. It gives us "power."

This person is a helluva an entrepreneur and biz dev, management/leadership oriented person - what if they applied the skills they love to something in the field of agriculture or hand crafted instruments instead of 'other' ilks? I don't even pretend to know that answer, because it's not my question to answer - it's his, it's yours...... then what?

The what if game is one YOU have to play with yourself, in service to something, a cause, a passion, a love, a deep connection that occurs naturally between you and something else..something that aligns with you, your soul, your interests -- then, and only then will you find this power.. this power of alignment, magnetization and attraction. Then and only then are you really on the road to unlocking the answers to the first of many life riddles awaiting you beyond that door.

You cannot Google your life's work or purpose. Your answers are within. Start working with someone who knows how to get the best from you and or your organization soon... Hire a 'real' coach... (That's a whole nuther story for another day...)

So you work, you live your life... in service to what?

I remain, in service to each of you who come bravely forward to unlocking what's next in your own lives and or organizations.

Glimpse 23 - Frustration and your choices...

After watching the Jet Blue flight attendant, Steven Slater, make his escape from what was probably buggin him for quite some time I realize how overwhelming life can get for all of us at times when we aren't operating within our value system. In coaches training I was taught about things like knowing what you are tolerating, creating standards, raising standards and creating meaningful well held boundaries as some of the first steps of getting back on track. All of which do seem to be in support of the "me" of it - functioning with greater ease and less frustration, "if"I pay attention, gain awareness, learn something and then make choices toward what I really want out of my life. No one said it would be difficult or easy. The message of coaches training was quite clear, my reality, is my reality, create with it what you desire or take what you get and either whine with the masses or shut the hell up about it and go postal later.

I'd guess Steven Slater was of the shutting the hell up about it variety - until it came to the breaking point. David Allen Coe wrote Johnny Paychecks big hit, "Take This Job and Shove It" in the mid to late 70's. Clearly this phenom of being "upset" at work is not new. We even have laws to prevent some of this 'mistreatment' or 'discrimination' of workers in the work place. Unions, EEOC, Civil Liberties - good goodness, people have made HUGE livings out of protecting us from ourselves and one another. This "me or we" versus "him/her/them" attitude in our lives is pervasive. It rings to me of "Mahhhmmmm, Paula's punching me again". How old are we? Who is responsible for us; our behaviors and our inability or ability to communicate with one another? What is this age old "drama" we get ourselves in to as adults? Who said it's a right that should be automatically bestowed to you to love your boss, your work, your working conditions, commute, paycheck, annual review, customers? A friend once said that a paycheck is currency for trading hours of my life to accomplish their mission through me. And who is responsible for that choice? Me. Always comes back to me.

Maybe some folks missed the eternal parental question concerning personal responsibility and choice of "If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you jump off the bridge too?"

If you are frustrated - don't just sit there and wait until you can't take it any more. Your frustration is a HUGE smoke detector (been here and said this before) of what is going on with YOU in YOUR life. Don't just smack it to reset - sit yourself down and have a good discovery session about what is really chapping your proverbial ass and then decide what you want to do about it - and when you are going to start making some change or deal with the fire and smoke damage that will eventually cloud even the keenest of judgments.

What you? Create something new? I have a mortgage, kids, aging parents, animals, obligations. Sorry, heard all that and know it's just bologna. So what if you have to tighten your belt, go back to school, leave a relationship, move, work out, eat right, get moving, meet new people, get beyond something, stop smoking, stop drinking, slow down, speed up to have the life you really desire - no matter what it is, its all on YOU. Not your mother, your father, your partner, your kids, your boss, your illness, your dog or even your ghosts of Christmas past can hold you back from living a damn fine life if that's what you really want. It may take time....yet isn't progress towards what you want better than the landscape of nothing different rushing daily by?

So before you work yourself up and off into an emergency jump slide popping out the 737 of your life, recognize the only time you have is now to effect or affect anything - YOU have choices, YOU are able to make changes, YOU have the power to give yourself the gift of a lifetime - understanding yourself. IMHO, I will add, designing a life you want to be in and then taking the steps necessary to communicate and insure you get that life or some fabulous derivation therein takes more than most people want to put in to it. Every day you live in a space and place you are frustrated or unhappy is a significant indicator that you are sacrificing a great deal to live a mediocre existance at best. Stopping frustration and overwhelm isn't all that difficult. Work with a coach - or in some cases a mental health professional. Frustration will always remain just one of many choices you can make. Which one will you make today?

Glimpse 22 - Circle of Influence

Aristotle said, "My best friend is the man who in wishing me well, wishes it for my sake."

Can you say this about the people who are closest to you in your life, in your circle of influence. For who's sake are you wishing someone well?

Glimpse 21 - How "smart" are you?

Last week I'd had it. Up to my eyeballs, over my head with the bull pucky of people telling me how much more able I am because of how smart I am. My newsflash at the time was retorted back, with a bit of rage, "Not smarter or more able. I am just that stubborn."

When it came time to do or be any of the two trillion things I am and have skills or game in - these things did NOT come as easily as everyone seems to "think" they did. Truth be told, I've worked my ass off to keep up with myself and what I want to create in my life. I wasn't born computer literate, sales and marketing savvy, coach proficient. I wasn't born a mother or a cancer survivor. I didn't chart my conscious course for most of my life. I just showed up and didn't want to be the "lazy" or "stupid" one of the bunch. The phrase self-responsibility is underkill for the way my heart, mind and soul works. I used to think I could not shut it off - now I know I do not want to.

I don't often feel sorry for people. Two weeks ago when I heard and saw at least 20 talented people in 48 hours telling me how lucky I was to be so smart, I did feel sorry for them. Because if I'm smart, they must be less smart? This cannot be. I felt sorry for them seeing themselves as less able, less determined and less lucky than I am. And the truth of the matter is, I'm not smarter, it's that choice I made to never give up. It's based on my "getting up and going with it" character, temperament, value system and upbringing. It's at the heart of who I am. The dogged never give upper-er.

In marriage and dating I've dumbed down, dumbed out and been completely miserable. How is it people can exist in that mode for long? I cannot imagine sitting down for too long thinking or feeling the world and my circumstances are stacked against me. As long as I'm breathing, there has to be a way up and out of whatever low valley I'm standing in. Is this truly that different than what others believe about life and themselves? Last week, the results seemed to be indicating all systems are red or yellow for many, many others in the smart-mobile.

Then, last week, a seven year old girl who weighs in at 38 pounds got kicked by a horse. Lacerated liver, separated kidney, compressed and collapsed lung and countless other life threatening physical issues faced her, her doctors and her family and friends. I got to read daily of the updates of this little butterfly warrior princess overcoming - miracle upon miracle continues to happen. The fragile thread of life growing back to a good thick and connected rope. I saw and heard of all the hundreds of people who joined in prayer, meditation and well wishes. People believed. They saw her as well. They stepped up in faith and hope and bet everything on her overcoming insurmountable odds to regaining life. And.. she did and is.

Boy, she must be really lucky. No, I bet she's super smart. No. She's stubborn, she knows what she wants and she's going for it. Her parents know what they want and haven't left her bedside since she was admitted some 11 days ago. Through pain, suffering, turmoil, confusion this little gal and her family are steppin up to the plate and swinging for the fences - every day, all day. They have their eye on the prize and nothing and nobody is going to get in the way of recovery. They are smart people because they are good people and stubborn people and willing to do the work.

So it took a seven year old facing incredible odds to teach me that "smart" now means good and stubborn, willing to do the work to overcome and acheive or accomplish whatever it is.

Go ahead, tell me how smart I am this week - and watch me beam back at you and receive it with - "Why yes, yes I am."

How about you? What's your definition of smart? Are you that smart?