I've been absent for a time from posting in this space - not the one in my head however... It seems I'm coming up against "posters block" - the block you put in front of yourself from posting what you believe might really hack some other people off. I make it my business to not make other people 'wrong' about how and what they see as their lives, their choices, their viewpoints... and yet I make it my full time job lately to make myself "wrong" about having a thought, an opinion, a voice...
So.. to those of you who have written as to where the blogs have gone - they are here - they are forthcoming - I am unraveling a few things before I re-post.
Sometimes the best thing to "do" when you aren't feelin prone to create, illuminate, espouse, share thought or worse do something you force upon yourself is to just sit by the side of the road and watch what shows up.
I'm there.
Where are you?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Glimpse 14 - Get the lead out, knowing when to say when...
I'm a workaholic. I enjoy it. And.. heroin addicts enjoy heroin so it doesn't say much for me now does it? I once subscribed to the thought of - if you are going to do anything, do it well and do a lot of it. Now that I'm running my own coaching organization... not so much. Now I am taking a course on overcoming self-sabotage ... man is THAT ugly.... I sense a change in the wind beneath my tired wings, it's called self care... knowing when, knowing how, knowing what and then.. doing it.
Since I started coaching over ten years ago I have always asked the people who I serve to come to their appointment with a glass of water, a pad of paper and a pencil. When they inform me they have a computer or a pen to take notes with - I reaffirm, I prefer you use a pencil. When they press on with what's so special about a pencil, I tell them the little story of the woman who taught me how to get the lead out.
Renee explained, a pencil; like energy and our attention span has a rather pre-determined use based on it's lead. It has the ability to get dull and need sharpening - just like our energy and our attention span. It has the ability to break, be crisp, clear, smudged... you got it... just like our energy and our attention span. A pencil does have an apex of personal best in it's point (you know, when it writes "just right" for you?)... and again.. you've got it.. so does our energy and attention span. Over use a pencil without sharpening it up and you get pretty much.. nothing. Try to keep using one some time and it will tear your paper, show half of what you wrote, cause you frustration. We won't even start on the eraser part of the pencil.
She continued.....Now the "point" (no pun intended) here, is if your proverbial pencil is dull, and you've passed your personal best, what are you creating in your life by not noticing? It isn't necessarily knowing "what" sharpens your lead, (although helpful) the question is "when" do you notice you are becoming less effective and "what" shows up to support you in getting the lead out to replenish your energy or refresh your attention span aka sharpen your pencil?
So.. in my welcome letter, I ask my clients to use pencils when they take notes. Part of coaching is about building personal awareness to make better choice for ourselves and that little story is an important first step in comprehending what lays on the coaching path ahead. Knowing when to say when is as critical in life as it is to someone pouring hot coffee in a cup you hold over your lap.
Putting self-care reminders to work for ourselves, ones we use to create awareness and encourage us to support the type of work/life balance we require is important in times of transition. For me, it's a workaholic overcoming the need to work ridiculous hours with no break and slappin on the happy face when I'm exhausted yet still over committed.
For me I have long used pencils at my desk because of Renee's story. I used to have eight of them, now I have four. When all four lay like fallen soldiers on my desk, I get up, get out of my office and do something else for awhile. My goal, by December, is to be down to a two dull pencil limit. My goal is to sustain new thoughts and actions in my self care, ones I want more of for myself.
Self care is an element workaholics, as my dear friend Joy says, "make shit up and believe" all the time. Workaholics also have a rather "all or nothing" mentality... and built within that statement, my NEW thought is yes, get my break time down to two dull pencils AND when the current four pencils I'm using are "done for" I think I may just get the lead OUT of my office with suitcase and fly rod to really practice the change in self care I preach.
Change what you want, when you want, how you want. It's all good. The one that's connected truly to you and your intentional life is just better.
Since I started coaching over ten years ago I have always asked the people who I serve to come to their appointment with a glass of water, a pad of paper and a pencil. When they inform me they have a computer or a pen to take notes with - I reaffirm, I prefer you use a pencil. When they press on with what's so special about a pencil, I tell them the little story of the woman who taught me how to get the lead out.
Renee explained, a pencil; like energy and our attention span has a rather pre-determined use based on it's lead. It has the ability to get dull and need sharpening - just like our energy and our attention span. It has the ability to break, be crisp, clear, smudged... you got it... just like our energy and our attention span. A pencil does have an apex of personal best in it's point (you know, when it writes "just right" for you?)... and again.. you've got it.. so does our energy and attention span. Over use a pencil without sharpening it up and you get pretty much.. nothing. Try to keep using one some time and it will tear your paper, show half of what you wrote, cause you frustration. We won't even start on the eraser part of the pencil.
She continued.....Now the "point" (no pun intended) here, is if your proverbial pencil is dull, and you've passed your personal best, what are you creating in your life by not noticing? It isn't necessarily knowing "what" sharpens your lead, (although helpful) the question is "when" do you notice you are becoming less effective and "what" shows up to support you in getting the lead out to replenish your energy or refresh your attention span aka sharpen your pencil?
So.. in my welcome letter, I ask my clients to use pencils when they take notes. Part of coaching is about building personal awareness to make better choice for ourselves and that little story is an important first step in comprehending what lays on the coaching path ahead. Knowing when to say when is as critical in life as it is to someone pouring hot coffee in a cup you hold over your lap.
Putting self-care reminders to work for ourselves, ones we use to create awareness and encourage us to support the type of work/life balance we require is important in times of transition. For me, it's a workaholic overcoming the need to work ridiculous hours with no break and slappin on the happy face when I'm exhausted yet still over committed.
For me I have long used pencils at my desk because of Renee's story. I used to have eight of them, now I have four. When all four lay like fallen soldiers on my desk, I get up, get out of my office and do something else for awhile. My goal, by December, is to be down to a two dull pencil limit. My goal is to sustain new thoughts and actions in my self care, ones I want more of for myself.
Self care is an element workaholics, as my dear friend Joy says, "make shit up and believe" all the time. Workaholics also have a rather "all or nothing" mentality... and built within that statement, my NEW thought is yes, get my break time down to two dull pencils AND when the current four pencils I'm using are "done for" I think I may just get the lead OUT of my office with suitcase and fly rod to really practice the change in self care I preach.
Change what you want, when you want, how you want. It's all good. The one that's connected truly to you and your intentional life is just better.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Glimpse 13 - What's missing?
Mechanical toys fascinate me. Not just any mechanical toys; certain ones. Wherever I've worked and lived I've always had a wind up or mechanical-in-some-way toy collection. In two or three offices I've had well over 100 of these toys show up. You see, I didn't bring them in a big box and set them up. They just began to always appear... somehow, someone would bring one and the curious, playful, distracting collection just grew.
The last such collection grew while in Seattle in an exceptionally stressful work environment. Someone went to McDonalds for lunch and decided I needed to be the office uterus to create/birth a mechanical, plastic Inspector Gadget doll. Weekly, pieces purchased by adults ordering "Happy Meals" he began to appear before our very eyes. Not a week of parts was missed. I didn't announce I liked or was fascinated by this type of toy, I certainly didn't ask them to, yet they so enjoyed being a part of building "doo da doo da doo, Inspector Gadget." He was cute and kinda freaky. I let their ridiculousness pass and even joined in with it. Cuz that time I saw it as a reminder in life from a much earlier time. A harbinger for sure for me.
So back to the story - As these mechanical toys would show up in my offices, so did the people to play with them. I always found that as fascinating because here I was, this type A+++++ mentality, perfectionistic, over driven, over bearing, woman with a shareholders mission, stay the hell out of my way, "if it ain't broken or bleeding, keep up" woman. I didn't like reasons or excuses or petty, snipey thoughts. I didn't much care who was sleeping with who or if your kid had strep throat or your grandmother's funeral just happened to be the day of the big golf tournament kinda woman.... At one point in my other career life I was known as "The Hawk" for any number of reasons. Most of them dealing with times (a few more than I like to take credit for) at work when I didn't show compassion or kindness to those I worked for, with or amongst and therein was missing a HUGE point. I had taken big hits working my way up the ladder and if I could, you could. I swung truth like it was some billy club in a bar brawl (I'm not here to babysit you, Did you leave your brain in your other briefcase today? We'll wait, go get it.) or if you were crying about workload (you want less work? great, go talk to the homeless guy down on _insert corner of whatever town I was working in). Nice hey? Yeah. I know... now.
I had no patience for others all the way from self appointed victims to those whose intelligence was exercising the right to be human. And trust me, I would have found a place for you on that scale too... because it was the scale I lived my life and belief about myself from too. Seriously, I grew up in Minnesota. "You, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and take care of your business" was the mentality I was raised on. Even words like, "But I tried" caused me to become proficient in how to self-Heimlich at a very early age.
More to the point again, these crazy people who lived with my self-abuse and abuse still brought me these damn toys - company after company, they continued to show up. I remember the turning point when I got the intended/unintended message. It was early, it was Phoenix, I flipped on the light in my office and there on my desk was a cast iron mechanical bank called "The Stump Speaker." A sheet of paper run off the printer placed next to it said, "We hear you, we believe in you, we wish you did, get as serious about fun as you are about revenue, life is short."
That bank is still here in my home. It will travel with me for the rest of my life, wherever I am. I have no desire to know who put it there even now. Every fiber of my body still says Thank You for finally slowing down everything and putting it in black and white by telling me what you acknowledged and also saw sorely missing from my life! You were right and I knew it that morning. I had no clue what to do about it; how to effect the change, how to "show up" different. I was mortified and scared and happy and grateful all at the same time. To punctuate the urgency and importance of this matter just two months later I was diagnosed, operated on and treated for a rare, incurable (HA!) yet remarkably oddly well encapsulated and well deferentiated form of thyroid cancer.
My point with "What's missing?" is all around us are people who see us.
Know us.
Love us, in spite of who we are, because of who we are. They see it all. Those that love us with clear lenses see the what is of us AND they see the what's isn't or the "what's missing" from our lives.
Case in point 2? Pick any person in your life who has recently come to you with an 'issue' about their life. I bet YOU could tell ME in 250 words or less exactly what their issue is and how they could "fix" it. I'd bet you double or nothing, you would tell me "if they just ___" their life would be so much better. And I'd bet you again they'd agree with you yet remain un-clued on how to go about changing it.
In knowing what is missing, and sharing this gem of information with ourselves or with those people we love, we can all better see the choices we do or do not make about what we truly want.
The challenge this week?
Answer: What's been missing from your life? Too general? Get more specific, What's missing from my career or relationships? (Hint.. it's probably somewhere in the pile of what you think is a weak, useless, silly, something you've made "small" in your life for whatever reason... it might even be in that list those "well intentioned" people keep verbally and non verbally trying to expose you to.) Do take some time with this one, be truthful AND gentle with yourself. Title it, "What's MISSING from MY life? "
After you create the list, take off your thinking/feeling cap and read it aloud, one at a time and very quickly respond to"Is this true? Is _____ missing from my life?" (Don't stop to think, rationalize or analyze it, just ask and notice your immediate mental, physical or spiritual response. The truth never lies to you.)
Knowledge is power. You now know more about what has been missing from your life and are truly at choice - you get to seek it out, adapt, change, study, expand, challenge and take responsibility for going for it! -- or not.
Had I ever taken the time to sit down, even for 5 minutes, in a quiet room and asked myself that question and truly listened to myself back THEN, as often as I do now (once a month) I know it would have made a difference in every element of how and what I focused my success in life on.
Take a look around at your version of the toys and toy bringers in your life too. The messages are staring you in the face too, take time, at the very least, to comprehend them.
C
For those of you who want more tangible steps on how to go about creating what you want AFTER you have completed this exercise, join the free teleclass. March 16, 2010 at 8 PM Central entitled "What's Missing?". View or sign up at http://www.ko-ching.com/Free.htm
The last such collection grew while in Seattle in an exceptionally stressful work environment. Someone went to McDonalds for lunch and decided I needed to be the office uterus to create/birth a mechanical, plastic Inspector Gadget doll. Weekly, pieces purchased by adults ordering "Happy Meals" he began to appear before our very eyes. Not a week of parts was missed. I didn't announce I liked or was fascinated by this type of toy, I certainly didn't ask them to, yet they so enjoyed being a part of building "doo da doo da doo, Inspector Gadget." He was cute and kinda freaky. I let their ridiculousness pass and even joined in with it. Cuz that time I saw it as a reminder in life from a much earlier time. A harbinger for sure for me.
So back to the story - As these mechanical toys would show up in my offices, so did the people to play with them. I always found that as fascinating because here I was, this type A+++++ mentality, perfectionistic, over driven, over bearing, woman with a shareholders mission, stay the hell out of my way, "if it ain't broken or bleeding, keep up" woman. I didn't like reasons or excuses or petty, snipey thoughts. I didn't much care who was sleeping with who or if your kid had strep throat or your grandmother's funeral just happened to be the day of the big golf tournament kinda woman.... At one point in my other career life I was known as "The Hawk" for any number of reasons. Most of them dealing with times (a few more than I like to take credit for) at work when I didn't show compassion or kindness to those I worked for, with or amongst and therein was missing a HUGE point. I had taken big hits working my way up the ladder and if I could, you could. I swung truth like it was some billy club in a bar brawl (I'm not here to babysit you, Did you leave your brain in your other briefcase today? We'll wait, go get it.) or if you were crying about workload (you want less work? great, go talk to the homeless guy down on _insert corner of whatever town I was working in). Nice hey? Yeah. I know... now.
I had no patience for others all the way from self appointed victims to those whose intelligence was exercising the right to be human. And trust me, I would have found a place for you on that scale too... because it was the scale I lived my life and belief about myself from too. Seriously, I grew up in Minnesota. "You, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and take care of your business" was the mentality I was raised on. Even words like, "But I tried" caused me to become proficient in how to self-Heimlich at a very early age.
More to the point again, these crazy people who lived with my self-abuse and abuse still brought me these damn toys - company after company, they continued to show up. I remember the turning point when I got the intended/unintended message. It was early, it was Phoenix, I flipped on the light in my office and there on my desk was a cast iron mechanical bank called "The Stump Speaker." A sheet of paper run off the printer placed next to it said, "We hear you, we believe in you, we wish you did, get as serious about fun as you are about revenue, life is short."
That bank is still here in my home. It will travel with me for the rest of my life, wherever I am. I have no desire to know who put it there even now. Every fiber of my body still says Thank You for finally slowing down everything and putting it in black and white by telling me what you acknowledged and also saw sorely missing from my life! You were right and I knew it that morning. I had no clue what to do about it; how to effect the change, how to "show up" different. I was mortified and scared and happy and grateful all at the same time. To punctuate the urgency and importance of this matter just two months later I was diagnosed, operated on and treated for a rare, incurable (HA!) yet remarkably oddly well encapsulated and well deferentiated form of thyroid cancer.
My point with "What's missing?" is all around us are people who see us.
Know us.
Love us, in spite of who we are, because of who we are. They see it all. Those that love us with clear lenses see the what is of us AND they see the what's isn't or the "what's missing" from our lives.
Case in point 2? Pick any person in your life who has recently come to you with an 'issue' about their life. I bet YOU could tell ME in 250 words or less exactly what their issue is and how they could "fix" it. I'd bet you double or nothing, you would tell me "if they just ___" their life would be so much better. And I'd bet you again they'd agree with you yet remain un-clued on how to go about changing it.
In knowing what is missing, and sharing this gem of information with ourselves or with those people we love, we can all better see the choices we do or do not make about what we truly want.
The challenge this week?
Answer: What's been missing from your life? Too general? Get more specific, What's missing from my career or relationships? (Hint.. it's probably somewhere in the pile of what you think is a weak, useless, silly, something you've made "small" in your life for whatever reason... it might even be in that list those "well intentioned" people keep verbally and non verbally trying to expose you to.) Do take some time with this one, be truthful AND gentle with yourself. Title it, "What's MISSING from MY life? "
After you create the list, take off your thinking/feeling cap and read it aloud, one at a time and very quickly respond to"Is this true? Is _____ missing from my life?" (Don't stop to think, rationalize or analyze it, just ask and notice your immediate mental, physical or spiritual response. The truth never lies to you.)
Knowledge is power. You now know more about what has been missing from your life and are truly at choice - you get to seek it out, adapt, change, study, expand, challenge and take responsibility for going for it! -- or not.
Had I ever taken the time to sit down, even for 5 minutes, in a quiet room and asked myself that question and truly listened to myself back THEN, as often as I do now (once a month) I know it would have made a difference in every element of how and what I focused my success in life on.
Take a look around at your version of the toys and toy bringers in your life too. The messages are staring you in the face too, take time, at the very least, to comprehend them.
C
For those of you who want more tangible steps on how to go about creating what you want AFTER you have completed this exercise, join the free teleclass. March 16, 2010 at 8 PM Central entitled "What's Missing?". View or sign up at http://www.ko-ching.com/Free.htm
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