Hope is the stuff that generates the kind of miracles I believe Thoreau is talking about. Hopeless? Not so much a possibilities generator is it. As a woman of faith my ability to find and maintain "hope, beyond a shadow of a doubt" has been a way of life for me. It plays well into my chosen profession of coaching. Coaches work with people who are savvy enough to "heed the call" from within who hope for and want something more or different in their lives. What I'm finding more recently is any number of vibrant, intelligent, beautiful people are coming up with a dry well and tell me they are are without hope in many aspects and elements of their lives. I ponder, how does this happen? Is it even possible?
I don't believe it is. I do believe you can GIVE UP hope - but hope does exist. Giving up hope on: quitting smoking, starting and maintaining a healthy life style program to saving money for a vacation, finding meaningful work or a loving partner - a lot of people are wafting around with less to no hope in vital areas which, truth be told, hold real meaning for their life and what they want out of it. But to not have hope or give it up signals my ears to know.. beyond a shadow of a doubt.. hope is still in there in the wrestling match of your life with your ego, soul and chosen self-limiting beliefs.
Does connecting to hope stem from a religious or spiritual teaching I wondered? A friend reminded me athesists and agnostics have hope too. Rather than compare if their definition of hope is the same as mine let's just say it is. Dictionary.com says hope is an ability to look forward to; with desire and reasonable confidence. Here I will disagree and say, "hope is an ability to look forward, from this spot I'm in with desire and confidence for my right now." Nothing "reasonable" about it, in my mind, in most cases, hope exists. Hope isn't necessarily "reasonable" but it does offer our psychii's an actionable life area or two to move forward to.
Think about a few of these for a moment. "I hope I have a great retirement. I hope my friend quits smoking. I hope I lose weight. I hope you make a million dollars. I hope my friend feels better soon. I hope it doesn't rain today. I hope you are happy. I hope all the bills get paid. I hope she finds a great job. I hope he stops drinking. I hope they overcome their grief. I hope they get married. I hope my car can make it." You can hope til the cows come home now can't you. Seriously. Everyone can find and have hope for others or self a bunch of times in every day. "I hope that bastard doesn't think he can change lanes like that in front of me. I hope she pays for her cruelty. I hope no one see's me like this!"
You can hope for anything, it's relatively easy. You can also hope for things and give up or feel paralyzed and small by how BIG you HOPE your life experience could be and isn't. AND you could hope and do nothing more than wonder why the Tooth Fairy or God hasn't heard you.....
or you could listen to what you are hoping for or giving up hope on and support yourself and/or others by checking your intentions and the personal actions you will or will not take. Come on people, you can sit on your bum for the rest of your life hoping OR you can USE what hope is intended for and start creating, discussing and taking action toward what it is you hope for, for yourself or others. And.. yes, it's true, you may or may not get it. I'll guarantee you one way to not get what you hope for - do nothing.
Don't get me wrong on this one, depression, anxiety, illness - all of these things can be at work in anyone's life and alter their view or abilities... It doesn't stop hope from knocking at your door, reminding you on many levels that it's there tho.... so .... what you hope for may or may not come easily. It might mean you have to get down and dirty with yourself and examine your own self-limiting beliefs, your own lack of action in direct support of you. It might mean a change in residence, life partners, friendships, jobs, financial status, gym club memberships.... You might have to undertake a process of re-informing and re-inviting your circle of influence (old or new) to who you are and what you want, require or are hoping for. You might have to ASK and be SPECIFIC about the kinds of support you believe you need as you move towards what you are hoping for....You might have to go back to school, sacrifice chocolate cake at 10 pm, feel the anxiety of life without a nicotine, alcoholic or other self destroying something. You might have to speak, share, network, eat, love, pray (hey it was a good book) in whole new ways. You may need to sit and ponder, take responsiblity, forgive, grow, stretch.... When you have a hope - you are getting a wake up CALL on something from within - it's up to you to give it a voice, determine "what" and take action and begin to make it real.. and sometimes, well, often, that stuff is best done with a trained professional at your side in the form of a well qualified coach who's traveled the hope waterways with others.
As I close, I'm reminded of when the summer Olympics were last on television I was involved in co-training a group of incredible people in coaching skills. Before the class began we were all talking about Michael Phelp's incredible physical prowess in the pool. The entire group was electrically charged positive about watching this incredible young man who was seemingly unstoppable. In preparation for the next day's class I found a quote from Michael. "I wouldn't say anything is impossible. I think that everything is possible as long as you put your mind to it and put the work and time in to it. Hope is where it all starts."
Here's hoping you got something out of this one.
C
For those of you who feel a bit paralyzed because you've "given up hope," are "afraid to hope" or even laugh or cry at the thought of "hoping beyond hope" you might want to try this exercise to get you opening up to the possibilities once more. Self-limiting conversation is crafty and often insidious and it is the number one "hope" killer on my BillBoard Charts.
- Grab a piece of paper and turn it sideways or landscape. At the top write down what you are hoping for or have given up hope on. Draw three lines down the paper and create four columns. Label the columns 1, 2, 3 and 4.
- In column 1 write down as simply as you can any negative beliefs you have about yourself which are getting in the way of what you hope for. (I am fat. I am stupid. I am unloveable.)
- In column 2 write down in a far bolder fashion, an opposite or positive statement to correspond with the negative one. (I am curvy. I am intelligent. I am loveable.)
- In column 3 jot any memory of a time which supports column 2's simple positive statement about you.
- Cross out each word in column one, one at a time.
- Stop and read aloud column 2 and column 3. Seriously. ALOUD. As LOUD as you can.
- Review this list daily for 15 days, and each time, read it aloud to yourself. As the days move forward, in column 4, add any new thought, emotion, action or event which supports you in getting out of the way and moves you forward toward what you are hoping for.
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