Glimpse 27 - WTF

It's been awhile. My mind has been going in a hundred places, got sick, got well, got busy, got distracted, got milk? No actually, I'm out... put that on the list of one hundred and one things to do as well sometime soon. The WTF is all about my level of awareness of who and what I allow to influence my and your choices and how that's landing with me.

This week I've just had my fill of people addressing me in facebook posts, television news and advertising or politicians all appealling or calling me out as if I reside in a place of scarcity, lack, fear or less than-ness, hopelessness. (was it really that long ago that the Chilean miner's crept up the pipe to terra firma?) And what gauls me more is main stream marketing has worked like this for years and now, a lot of coaches are seemingly using this "don't be like this, come to me in the promised land" bull$hit to make their mark.

Oh I get it, sex and fears of all sorts sell things.. enough already. Someone famous, I don't care who, said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Good. Good. Good. Now to figure that piece out.

In my life, I'm calling for a moratorium of anyone utilizing people's fears about being less than creative, resourceful and whole to call them forward to buy, learn or do something new. Bahh Bahhh Bahhhh go the sheep -Please, just sit down for a stinkin minute in the silence of your self and take stock and inventory - realize what truly is truth for you. SHOCKER! You're fine. You've been in better and worse emotional or experiential pickles than what you are most likely in. Stop judging and stop buying in to the bull$hit and start recognizing, remembering, knowing, owning your own dang power -- you know the one that says you are creative resourceful and whole enough to get on through to any "other side" you want. A good friend once said to me, "Cyn, what if this is as good as it gets?" --- when clearly it wasn't.. I stepped up and made new choices for myself. I began to regard everything as it is, a temporary piece of time that will move on, with or without me. I chose not to go screaming and kicking through life as a victim of some sort of cruel universal hoax from that day forward. I stood up and took responsibility and it's served me well.

How do you take responsibility for yourself? Has it crossed your mind that all the issues in your life are because you want someone or something else to change - but not you? That said, (mea culpa) sometimes action means just sitting down with yourself and taking time to bring to mind that you do have choice, in all you do. And, to me, the biggest one is my choice of attitude. Who and what and how I let situations or people influence me, is of my own choosing. I'm making a few new choices this week.

Come at me with that stinkin thinkin thing about me being some part of a huddled, mindless, fearful mass and I'll be more than happy to change channels, delete, dislike button or in some cases, speak out about your negligent attempts to manipulate me (and probably yourself) and re-focus you on my more upward bound version of the truth.

It is what it is kids - you have what it takes - now go, get on with it.

Glimpse 26 - What are you good at?

A challenging question was posed to me by a very dear and very respected friend. I contemplated re-organizing what it is I call myself and what it is I do and how best to get there and he simply asked, "What are you good at?" I said I wasn't certain of any of it any more... So he asked if he could make a request (I grin because coaches know there are three ways to go when someone makes a request of you - yes you may, no you may not or counter offer the request with some changes....) His request was for me to sit down and note all the things I'm good at - whether I enjoyed them or not, just make note of them. I accepted the request. Hung up the phone and I began.

The MS Word screen from my computer stupified me and I sat with a blank document for 20 minutes. I switched to paper and pencil and a new venue, at my dining room table. The paper sat blank for 10 minutes. Then I began to quietly cry.

I'm a big stickler for truth and clarity with others and of course, with myself. I felt and thought I could write down, good cook, good music afficianado, good driver, good pet owner, good -- well you get it.. I thought those things would come tumbling out - and those and more - didn't.

I was stopped, dead in my tracks unable to write or utter a word. And I sat with a sadness I had not felt in years... and years... It was like writing it down made some declaration of certainty, I am good at _____! What always came to mind was I would think of someone else who could do it better than I or how I didn't know the definition of "good"... really... I didn't? It all boiled down to me saying, I'm good at being me. And therein, more tears appeared. I think it was telling me something. I was quite sure I didn't believe myself.

Coaches listen for pace, pitch, tone and timber in people's voice. Coaches listen for engagement, connection, disconnection, hesitancy, courage, bravado, intention, consistency, doubt, certainty, passion, disillusion - and a million other things... And in listening to myself I found I had left myself quite unconvinced that I knew much of anything about me. Really.

And all this came about because I want to re-engineer what it is I do, how I support, what I teach and how I myself learn and provide service in this world - with one powerful question. "What are you good at?" I could debate that what I am good at might not matter one iota about what it is I do or create next. If that were true, why all the emotion, doubt and self-ridicule around such a simple question.

We all often get "stuck" in our own belief systems when it comes time to make a decision about something just a titch further out beyond our comfort levels. Knowing what our belief's are and taking time to examine how they push or pull us forward is an important piece of work in each examined life I get paid to work with... well any life for that matter.

And in my own... it is a struggle... and I will not short cut this piece for myself on my way to wherever else it is my curiosity and desire to be of service will take me. When I come up and out of this box, I will be able to stand up and say, I am good/great/excellent at _____. And a part of being able to say it, even if it's only to myself, I am quite certain, is whatever comes up will be those things I know I want to learn even more about.

I'm also going to make a list that says, "Things I suck at or know nothing about and want to know more about ____." Perhaps one will support the other, perhaps not. I don't know, but I do know, for myself, I'm going to find out what I believe I'm good at.

If you can answer the question with the ease I thought I could before I started the exercise, bravo!!! Do share.... if not... take some time with it and do let me know, What are you good at?

Glimpse 25 - Glimpses of hope on the horizon

Good intentions, focused intentions, intentions for the greater good and their related programs, products and people who take action to deliver them never die... there are glimpses of hope on the horizon. I am pleased.

Glimpse 24 - In service to what?

"The key to power when it comes to your work life is to remember that you are there in the service of God. Our career is not something that we go out and find. Your perfect career is something that emerges from deep within you. When you are aligned with the truth within yourself then you magnetize people and circumstances which align with that truth. When you are disassociated with the deeper truth about yourself then you create situations in your life which reflect that disassociation." -- Marianne Williamson Meditations for a Miraculous Life

I heard that yesterday morning as I began a new "Monday Musings" time for myself - an hour, rich and rife with fodder and content of meditation lead by someone else's inner to outer dialogue, someone other than my own. And I adored this passage because it hits so deeply to what I've learned in my own life and most especially from coaching countless people and organizations the last 10+ years.

The key to power... it starts... power... not like "I am the King or Queen of" but more like "gas in my tank" is how I took that... an abundant source of energy, to have choices = power. So many people have walked through my life door, tired, exhausted, without power, searching for something they don't seem to be able to grasp - a new job, an enhanced relationship, more productivity from self, sales people or fund raisers, inspiration to be a better teacher, principal, engineer, minister, health care worker, parent, more money, more time, more fun, more purpose -- all of it, right there in the center of their soul... just not connected yet.

If I asked you the information on your driver's license, you'd be able to rattle it off quickly to me. If I asked you what are the five most important belief's you hold and function from daily - I've not been as successful finding anyone able to rattle them off on their first try. What does this say about your own alignment with what Marianne calls the "aligned with the truth within yourself?" And if, by chance, you can rattle them off quickly, can you define them for me and tell me how they show up in your life and choices daily, supported by you and those around you? Yeah, well... there ya have it.

Each of you who have worked with me know about those first few weeks of exploring and learning your value system and what you need or require daily to have the kinds of days you want to live in or the success you want as you define it. So this comes as no surprise to any of you - how completely out of touch most people are with what makes them tick and how completely unaware of it they are. Coaching is about that... it is about discovering what the truth in you is, empowering you (putting gas in your tank) to draw you forward, willingly, not push you forward... and yet......... in service to what?

My sense here is that the successful people I've worked with may or may not call what their life's work or passion is "in service to God" in all cases - yet if you perceive the world around you as a place with living, breathing people that you love, you can call it whatever you want. Without the "in service to" something outside yourself - without that connection to something bigger, greater, more peaceful, cooler, warmer, quieter, whatever-er, people seem to falter, stall and become like the gerbils in the cage on their treadmills. Get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed, take a vacation once a year. Ugh.

In working with teens I often hear how much pressure is put upon them (and I also hear this in the 40+ crowd too) to be anything, to go anywhere, to have the world as their oyster, how lucky they are... and I so disagree with the open ended thoughts of "being anything." Their answers aren't out in the big wide world of expansive career skies, their answers are within. Often small and unheard, untended and undernourished... And perhaps, so are yours. You can be anything, anything you want to be, are connected with from the inside out...

If all you want is a job to get ahead, to pay the bills, to go to in the morning - go for it. If what you want seems impossible to get to from where you are - work with a coach - it's not impossible.

I have a client who, for fun, is an incredibly passionate guitar maker and hobby farmer - you ought to hear this person LIGHT UP when they talk about it - and then in the next sentence, they talk about corporate businesses and, the energy goes away and the "shoulda's" show up.

Does this mean this incredibly curious, kind, intelligent person needs to quit their day job and become a luthier and farmer for their living? No. Not necessarily. What these things do tell us is to dig a little deeper in the well of connecting our work and our life to things we enjoy and love. It gives us "power."

This person is a helluva an entrepreneur and biz dev, management/leadership oriented person - what if they applied the skills they love to something in the field of agriculture or hand crafted instruments instead of 'other' ilks? I don't even pretend to know that answer, because it's not my question to answer - it's his, it's yours...... then what?

The what if game is one YOU have to play with yourself, in service to something, a cause, a passion, a love, a deep connection that occurs naturally between you and something else..something that aligns with you, your soul, your interests -- then, and only then will you find this power.. this power of alignment, magnetization and attraction. Then and only then are you really on the road to unlocking the answers to the first of many life riddles awaiting you beyond that door.

You cannot Google your life's work or purpose. Your answers are within. Start working with someone who knows how to get the best from you and or your organization soon... Hire a 'real' coach... (That's a whole nuther story for another day...)

So you work, you live your life... in service to what?

I remain, in service to each of you who come bravely forward to unlocking what's next in your own lives and or organizations.

Glimpse 23 - Frustration and your choices...

After watching the Jet Blue flight attendant, Steven Slater, make his escape from what was probably buggin him for quite some time I realize how overwhelming life can get for all of us at times when we aren't operating within our value system. In coaches training I was taught about things like knowing what you are tolerating, creating standards, raising standards and creating meaningful well held boundaries as some of the first steps of getting back on track. All of which do seem to be in support of the "me" of it - functioning with greater ease and less frustration, "if"I pay attention, gain awareness, learn something and then make choices toward what I really want out of my life. No one said it would be difficult or easy. The message of coaches training was quite clear, my reality, is my reality, create with it what you desire or take what you get and either whine with the masses or shut the hell up about it and go postal later.

I'd guess Steven Slater was of the shutting the hell up about it variety - until it came to the breaking point. David Allen Coe wrote Johnny Paychecks big hit, "Take This Job and Shove It" in the mid to late 70's. Clearly this phenom of being "upset" at work is not new. We even have laws to prevent some of this 'mistreatment' or 'discrimination' of workers in the work place. Unions, EEOC, Civil Liberties - good goodness, people have made HUGE livings out of protecting us from ourselves and one another. This "me or we" versus "him/her/them" attitude in our lives is pervasive. It rings to me of "Mahhhmmmm, Paula's punching me again". How old are we? Who is responsible for us; our behaviors and our inability or ability to communicate with one another? What is this age old "drama" we get ourselves in to as adults? Who said it's a right that should be automatically bestowed to you to love your boss, your work, your working conditions, commute, paycheck, annual review, customers? A friend once said that a paycheck is currency for trading hours of my life to accomplish their mission through me. And who is responsible for that choice? Me. Always comes back to me.

Maybe some folks missed the eternal parental question concerning personal responsibility and choice of "If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you jump off the bridge too?"

If you are frustrated - don't just sit there and wait until you can't take it any more. Your frustration is a HUGE smoke detector (been here and said this before) of what is going on with YOU in YOUR life. Don't just smack it to reset - sit yourself down and have a good discovery session about what is really chapping your proverbial ass and then decide what you want to do about it - and when you are going to start making some change or deal with the fire and smoke damage that will eventually cloud even the keenest of judgments.

What you? Create something new? I have a mortgage, kids, aging parents, animals, obligations. Sorry, heard all that and know it's just bologna. So what if you have to tighten your belt, go back to school, leave a relationship, move, work out, eat right, get moving, meet new people, get beyond something, stop smoking, stop drinking, slow down, speed up to have the life you really desire - no matter what it is, its all on YOU. Not your mother, your father, your partner, your kids, your boss, your illness, your dog or even your ghosts of Christmas past can hold you back from living a damn fine life if that's what you really want. It may take time....yet isn't progress towards what you want better than the landscape of nothing different rushing daily by?

So before you work yourself up and off into an emergency jump slide popping out the 737 of your life, recognize the only time you have is now to effect or affect anything - YOU have choices, YOU are able to make changes, YOU have the power to give yourself the gift of a lifetime - understanding yourself. IMHO, I will add, designing a life you want to be in and then taking the steps necessary to communicate and insure you get that life or some fabulous derivation therein takes more than most people want to put in to it. Every day you live in a space and place you are frustrated or unhappy is a significant indicator that you are sacrificing a great deal to live a mediocre existance at best. Stopping frustration and overwhelm isn't all that difficult. Work with a coach - or in some cases a mental health professional. Frustration will always remain just one of many choices you can make. Which one will you make today?

Glimpse 22 - Circle of Influence

Aristotle said, "My best friend is the man who in wishing me well, wishes it for my sake."

Can you say this about the people who are closest to you in your life, in your circle of influence. For who's sake are you wishing someone well?

Glimpse 21 - How "smart" are you?

Last week I'd had it. Up to my eyeballs, over my head with the bull pucky of people telling me how much more able I am because of how smart I am. My newsflash at the time was retorted back, with a bit of rage, "Not smarter or more able. I am just that stubborn."

When it came time to do or be any of the two trillion things I am and have skills or game in - these things did NOT come as easily as everyone seems to "think" they did. Truth be told, I've worked my ass off to keep up with myself and what I want to create in my life. I wasn't born computer literate, sales and marketing savvy, coach proficient. I wasn't born a mother or a cancer survivor. I didn't chart my conscious course for most of my life. I just showed up and didn't want to be the "lazy" or "stupid" one of the bunch. The phrase self-responsibility is underkill for the way my heart, mind and soul works. I used to think I could not shut it off - now I know I do not want to.

I don't often feel sorry for people. Two weeks ago when I heard and saw at least 20 talented people in 48 hours telling me how lucky I was to be so smart, I did feel sorry for them. Because if I'm smart, they must be less smart? This cannot be. I felt sorry for them seeing themselves as less able, less determined and less lucky than I am. And the truth of the matter is, I'm not smarter, it's that choice I made to never give up. It's based on my "getting up and going with it" character, temperament, value system and upbringing. It's at the heart of who I am. The dogged never give upper-er.

In marriage and dating I've dumbed down, dumbed out and been completely miserable. How is it people can exist in that mode for long? I cannot imagine sitting down for too long thinking or feeling the world and my circumstances are stacked against me. As long as I'm breathing, there has to be a way up and out of whatever low valley I'm standing in. Is this truly that different than what others believe about life and themselves? Last week, the results seemed to be indicating all systems are red or yellow for many, many others in the smart-mobile.

Then, last week, a seven year old girl who weighs in at 38 pounds got kicked by a horse. Lacerated liver, separated kidney, compressed and collapsed lung and countless other life threatening physical issues faced her, her doctors and her family and friends. I got to read daily of the updates of this little butterfly warrior princess overcoming - miracle upon miracle continues to happen. The fragile thread of life growing back to a good thick and connected rope. I saw and heard of all the hundreds of people who joined in prayer, meditation and well wishes. People believed. They saw her as well. They stepped up in faith and hope and bet everything on her overcoming insurmountable odds to regaining life. And.. she did and is.

Boy, she must be really lucky. No, I bet she's super smart. No. She's stubborn, she knows what she wants and she's going for it. Her parents know what they want and haven't left her bedside since she was admitted some 11 days ago. Through pain, suffering, turmoil, confusion this little gal and her family are steppin up to the plate and swinging for the fences - every day, all day. They have their eye on the prize and nothing and nobody is going to get in the way of recovery. They are smart people because they are good people and stubborn people and willing to do the work.

So it took a seven year old facing incredible odds to teach me that "smart" now means good and stubborn, willing to do the work to overcome and acheive or accomplish whatever it is.

Go ahead, tell me how smart I am this week - and watch me beam back at you and receive it with - "Why yes, yes I am."

How about you? What's your definition of smart? Are you that smart?

Glimpse 20 - Be careful what you label yourself with....

What's your DISC? MBTI? Hartmann Index? I don't really care to label you in the big scheme of things. Overall, in the glimpse from my window the rationale behind labeling people seems more to identify and limit them. (I know many of you may disagree here and I'm fine with that.)

As a coach, it amazes me daily, the people I often work with struggle to cast off labels and personal limitations they've carried unwittingly, a lifetime. This piece of awareness is huge in identifying what has held them back and what will set them free to self-create the change they desire and require in their lives. In my experience, these personality type "labels" learned in a one day workshop or brief online quiz have become the simple excuses people use to either under achieve or clobber others over the head with. Yet, if you take them in, as perhaps intended, as a tool in understanding a small piece of how your temperament and character show up and utilize them to blend you in to the rest of all you are they can be a meaningful tool in how you move through your life.

We all carry a bit of each of the personality types within us. Every element and aspect from the entire spectrum is available to each of us. And if you want to disagree with me about an introvert being able to become extroverted, go right ahead. I'll introduce you to several people I know who have successfully transitioned into having both elements of their personality type seen as a choice rather than having only one as an inherent component in their lifestyle.

A lot of who we are, how we think and what we become is based on a million two trillion things. Genetics, gender, racial or ethnicity, birth order, socio-economic, religion, height, weight, cars we drive, neighborhoods we live in, life experiences, abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, reading, writing arithmetic ability, ADHD, bi-polar, depressed, anxious, intelligent, dumb, stupid or smart, dog or cat, Pepsi or Coke, tea or coffee - blah blah blah - Labels I tell ya... and most importantly WHAT and HOW we tell ourselves and support those beliefs through our unconscious or conscious action shows up as us, exactly as we are, where we are.

It is one of my strongest personal beliefs many people we all see every day as complete or whole are really "the walking wounded" and, here's the kicker, they don't even know it. Neurologists tell us we cannot feel two things at one time. While many of you again may disagree, I do believe what we feel and how we feel it, as well as for how long we choose to feel it, is entirely up to us.

Feelings tell us things - good things as well as "danger, danger Will Robinson" things... to me, they are the 'smoke detectors' of our lives. Are you listening to yours or ignoring them by constantly smacking your smoke detector off or resetting it? Where there's smoke, there's fire..... Ignore your smoke detectors/feelings and what they are telling you about you, about the situation, about what you've got yourself believing and doing and you may end up with first, second or third degree burns to deal with and STILL have to make the change to get out of the smoke filled room you may be playing in. For all you "thinking" folks out there - you too have feelings to act as a guidance system, check in with them. Denial only works for so long.

(Before we run aground on mental health issues, I need to inform you, as a coach, I'm not skilled to support your healing in a mental health crisis, so don't mistake my thoughts here. At one point or another just about every one of us has self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy despite what we are projecting to the outside world. We can get stalled or stuck by a lack of clarity, face burn out, not know how or be afraid to ask for support or what we want and a million other things along the way. )

I guess my point in all of this is to say to each of you - I believe you are what you believe you are. You get a choice, you can take a few minutes to sit down by the side of the road to figure it all out - and then you can get up and become a self-imposed victim in or a creator of your own life. You are either one or the other. Which are you right now?

My friendly advice is that each of us take some time to sit down by the side of that road of life and relax, close your eyes, or take a walk - or do anything that brings you time to ponder and get closer in touch with your inner guidance system. Taking ten minutes to envision a life of you being responsible for creating what you want more of isn't such an awful daily habit to get in to. Try giving yourself daily assignments to put some "do" into your own choice - it may just, empower you to move forward toward something you created consciously. Some of you may have to clear your lungs of the smoke, some of you may be bandaging burns, some of you may already be on this path. I'm not saying it's going to be easy - focus on what you want more of - take action every day to support yourself within that - inform and invite others to your process and vision and watch what a difference it will make.

You can be anything you want to become. You are not limited by personality types or birth order or socio-economic classes or race or gender, or any other label unless you tell yourself and believe it. What new fabulous label could you give yourself today and BELIEVE fully to set you free instead of bind you up in supporting YOU in change?

What started me off on this train of thought today was quite simple. Ruth Ann Harnisch has a wonderful blog each day and a quote from today says, "It's interesting to me how much less stressed I am over the long list of "to do's" that just showed up because I am completely conscious of being 100% responsible for the situation, that I invited it, knowing it would be short-term challenging-but-worth-it because I have a long-term purpose in mind." http://ruthannharnisch.com/the-coach/my-mom-says/

What do you have in mind? Reach for a star today and go make shit happen.

C

Glimpse 19 - If you need something, ask for it.

You know how people say, "If I need something, I'll ask you for it?" and you really don't believe them? From last week forward, I will now, always believe them. Because they can and will.

Last week, the phone rang and I answered... The very calm, deep voice who had, on any number of occasions in the past six years told me, "If I need something I'll ask you for it" baritoned in, just above a whisper and said, "I'm in trouble. I need your help." "What's the closest hospital to where I'm at?" Stunned, I responded with information and concise directions to the out of town friend here on business. I hung up the phone, summoned my wing woman Joan, and up the freeway we went to be supportive. A person with the highest pain tolerance of anyone I've ever known was about to enter a hospital ER for beyond major pain, swelling and redness in his ankle and calf and I had no clue what to do.

What I learned once more is something as simple as "being there" really, really matters. This life lesson seems to repeat itself over and over and over again in my life - each time the message finds me, it seems strangely new in "where" and "how" I know it as a universal truth. I am quite certain that while I believe I "have it" now I probably don't.

Here's what else I learned as my life views grew a bit deeper after this nine hour start-to-finish emergency room experience with my pal and my wing woman. In no specific order:

1. Never underestimate the importance of saying or asking for what it takes to become comfortable and support your own healing.
2. When life gets reduced to it's most painful moments we show up with our truest character.
3. The simplicity of being allowed by someone to "just be there" is a TRUE overlooked gift.
4. Whether the reason for your malaise is suspected, unknown or known the related anxiety about any of it sucks.
5. The touch of another human being really does reduce blood pressure.
6. No one else knows how you feel or could possibly go through what you go through no matter what they try to infer they know about your condition or situation.
7. Love, faith and prayer work miracles as do getting the right pain meds.
8. Ask how you can best support someone in the hospital. Only make suggestions after you've asked that first one.
9. Be grateful for the people who love you and tell them often.
10. Recognize hospital emergency rooms seem to work best if you don't suffer in silence, they respond best to he who comes in by ambulance or yells the loudest, passes out or bleeds the most gets attention first... unless someone in your party speaks up for you and threatens to go all Shirley McClaine on them.
11. Hospitalized people have very well oiled and running 'bullshit meters'. It takes some serious chops to look a suffering someone in the eyes while witnessing more pain than you believed humanly possible and believe yourself when say it's going to get better soon. If you can't do this part, step out of the room, you aren't helping the person in the bed if you start slobbering or become an "it's all about you" drama princess/prince with your anxiety and worries. (Door 5 at FSH did you hear that?)
12. Nurses are angels. ER doctors are quite possibly the coldest blooded animals on the planet to do some of the procedures they do in the name of medicine to 'heal' you.
13. Hospitals operate under very bright, shiny lights for good reason... they also glare in a patients eyes and add to stress levels. Ask or turn em down if possible.
14. Having your contact information for loved ones available in your cell phone is a good thing. Mark them with the relationship of the person on those that are family members when you can. Have you done the ICE on your cell fon yet? For that matter, always carry a card in your wallet with your medical history, allergies and insurance information.
15. Having a computer available while visiting a hospital is awesome. Especially when the DOCTOR and NURSE tell you to check the internet for more information on your condition. (yep they really said that)
16. Ask direct questions. Get direct answers and write them down - you'd be amazed what you'll forget after you get out of there.
17. Drink lots of water, get good rest, watch your alcohol intake and never eat sushi twice in one week if gout runs in your family.
18. When it's all in the rear view mirror, and everyone is out the other side, be sure to stop and look each other in the eye and tell one another you love them.

Everyone is well and returned to their own homes and lives once more. Yet this is a day I won't soon forget all of these little pieces about.

The most important piece for me in all of this is to follow my coaches ethics and let it move more deeply into my entire life that people truly are creative, resourceful and whole. If you believe in them and yourself, they will always do what they believe is best for them - including asking for help when they need it.

Don't let anxiety or shame, guilt or fear of something get in your way of asking yourself or someone else for what you need; your literal and figurative life, comfort and fulfillment might just depend on it.

And, thank you my friend for keeping your word and for asking for what you wanted, when you needed it.

Glimpse 18 - No rain, no rainbows, no sympathy.

When was the last time you really wanted sympathy? Many people call it a time when they have felt sorrow for themselves and wanted others to know how they felt and even agree with them. Was sympathy what you wanted, or was it .. a way up or out of where you felt stuck?

Are you stuck somewhere on the road of life and unknowingly feeling sorry for yourself? Can't get going? Don't wanna keep doing the same thing? Aren't clear on what "it" is? Or perhaps you know what "it" is yet have a 100 good reasons to put it off or tell someone why it hasn't worked, can't work, won't work? "Can you sympathize?" I can but won't, at least not in my professional life as your coach.

This seeking to be heard/seen/known and being entirely frustrated with the people and world at large not cooperating is what I hear most often when beginning to work with people as a coach. We've all heard it. I'd bet even money you've even joined in with the speaker and told them your tale of what held you back, how you are limited too in similar or different circumstances. It's called "sympathizing." So as a coach we don't spend time and energy to sympathize or offer sympathy when coaching. What's that about?

In our training and work, we come to comprehend and accept everyone as creative, resourceful and whole, able to get what they want out of life - perfect, just as they are. Gasp! Truly, in a coaching relationship with a masterful coach you are respected, revered and regarded as the expert in your own life. You become empowered by your own choices to stay right where you are or kick it up a notch. If you say your life sucks, we believe you. Sympathy not necessary! We remain believing, no matter what, your choice and YOU play the major role in creating what you focus on. Your energy, intention and daily focus are either on target for creating the life you are after, or it isn't.

Don't know what you want your life to look like? Don't have any given intention beyond "getting through today"? Don't pay attention to who's the boss of your attitude and energy and where your focus really is? Yeah. Kinda common for a lot of folks. If you are ready to pay attention and make your own best choices, coaching is for you.

Once you've learned and applied one of life coaching's "secrets" your own life and all the people within it gets a whole lot sweeter. Wanna know this secret? It is to believe and hold one another as able and accountable to have what it takes to be and do (create/change/move towards) the things we want, even when handed things we don't. It might take you reminding yourself a few more times on any given day, yet how would your life and the lives around you be better if you did this and left offering sympathy in a very select few places in life?

When my daughter was five we moved to Seattle from Phoenix. It was fall and she hated preparing and getting to school each drizzly rainy morning. It was then we began the game and created the related book, "No rain, no rainbows." Suffice it to say it was our version of figuring out how to make lemonade out of what she felt was a bitter choice after growing up in several sunbelt states. To whit, so much of finding or looking forward to the rainbow as a result of a rainy day, is part of the practice of a coach (or someone) holding and calling you to the focus of something beyond the drizzly moment to something radiant and better. We naturally shift in to empowered when more choices are available to us. This happens when we become aware and create a conscious attitude to go forward with. No sympathy required.

And..... don't mistake me here.... there is learning from being able to linger or even sit down at a place by the side of the road as we observe our life, reflect, ponder our patterns and level of self-responsibility. A coach needs not commiserate (definition of sympathize) with you - or even linger with you in places of "woe is me" - (you a victim in coaching? never!) the coaches job, yes JOB, is to expand awareness and empower your choices by calling you forward, in a myriad of ways, for you to support you in moving up the life road of your choosing.

Next time you are feeling drawn in to offer sympathy when someone is having a bad day or repeating the same old "my ____ sucks" check yourself before joining in the "holy crap I so know what you mean" parade. If you don't high tail it out of the conversation and choose to remain to engage rather than agree and commiserate...... you "could" use a coach approach to support awareness in springing the lid off Oscar the Grouch's trash can version of life they seem to have chosen. (including your own.)

Start by respecting yourself by knowing what you want for the person you are speaking with. Become transparent. "I hear you Laurie, and it sounds like this is really a difficult time." "I see you as an amazing/intelligent/creative/able (insert the truthful word here) person who may want to refocus herself on what she wants." "I'd really like to support you finding your best way out of it and on to what you'd really like to have from your experience." "May I ask you a question about what you'd be willing to do to make this a more fulfilling experience for you?" When they respond you can even go one step further and ask them to check in with you later on how that made their day better...

No matter what I type there, you'll get the gist - Ask permission to call it as you see it, acknowledge the person as resourceful to handle their own stuff, refocus their brain via a question about their focus and what THEY want, and request self-responsible actions to insure new choice/actions will be taken soon. You can even create a level of check in or accountability to support them further!

I can't spend time sympathizing with my clients when I know what I know about how truly brilliant they each are. It would seem that time's a-wasting. I'm seriously there to believe in them as they begin to learn to believe in themselves and insure they figure it out by focusing on what they want and going for it. Where on earth does sympathy belong in that one?

And so it goes... in parting, if you remember nothing else, it never hurts to remember the words of a five year old, "Hey Mom, no sympathy for ME, if there was no rain... their'd be no rainbows. I like rainbows."



C

Glimpse 17 - Hope Floats... or maybe it swims...

"What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen." Henry David Thoreau


Hope is the stuff that generates the kind of miracles I believe Thoreau is talking about. Hopeless? Not so much a possibilities generator is it. As a woman of faith my ability to find and maintain "hope, beyond a shadow of a doubt" has been a way of life for me. It plays well into my chosen profession of coaching. Coaches work with people who are savvy enough to "heed the call" from within who hope for and want something more or different in their lives. What I'm finding more recently is any number of vibrant, intelligent, beautiful people are coming up with a dry well and tell me they are are without hope in many aspects and elements of their lives. I ponder, how does this happen? Is it even possible?

I don't believe it is. I do believe you can GIVE UP hope - but hope does exist. Giving up hope on: quitting smoking, starting and maintaining a healthy life style program to saving money for a vacation, finding meaningful work or a loving partner - a lot of people are wafting around with less to no hope in vital areas which, truth be told, hold real meaning for their life and what they want out of it. But to not have hope or give it up signals my ears to know.. beyond a shadow of a doubt.. hope is still in there in the wrestling match of your life with your ego, soul and chosen self-limiting beliefs.

Does connecting to hope stem from a religious or spiritual teaching I wondered? A friend reminded me athesists and agnostics have hope too. Rather than compare if their definition of hope is the same as mine let's just say it is. Dictionary.com says hope is an ability to look forward to; with desire and reasonable confidence. Here I will disagree and say, "hope is an ability to look forward, from this spot I'm in with desire and confidence for my right now." Nothing "reasonable" about it, in my mind, in most cases, hope exists. Hope isn't necessarily "reasonable" but it does offer our psychii's an actionable life area or two to move forward to.

Think about a few of these for a moment. "I hope I have a great retirement. I hope my friend quits smoking. I hope I lose weight. I hope you make a million dollars. I hope my friend feels better soon. I hope it doesn't rain today. I hope you are happy. I hope all the bills get paid. I hope she finds a great job. I hope he stops drinking. I hope they overcome their grief. I hope they get married. I hope my car can make it." You can hope til the cows come home now can't you. Seriously. Everyone can find and have hope for others or self a bunch of times in every day. "I hope that bastard doesn't think he can change lanes like that in front of me. I hope she pays for her cruelty. I hope no one see's me like this!"

You can hope for anything, it's relatively easy. You can also hope for things and give up or feel paralyzed and small by how BIG you HOPE your life experience could be and isn't. AND you could hope and do nothing more than wonder why the Tooth Fairy or God hasn't heard you.....

or you could listen to what you are hoping for or giving up hope on and support yourself and/or others by checking your intentions and the personal actions you will or will not take. Come on people, you can sit on your bum for the rest of your life hoping OR you can USE what hope is intended for and start creating, discussing and taking action toward what it is you hope for, for yourself or others. And.. yes, it's true, you may or may not get it. I'll guarantee you one way to not get what you hope for - do nothing.

Don't get me wrong on this one, depression, anxiety, illness - all of these things can be at work in anyone's life and alter their view or abilities... It doesn't stop hope from knocking at your door, reminding you on many levels that it's there tho.... so .... what you hope for may or may not come easily. It might mean you have to get down and dirty with yourself and examine your own self-limiting beliefs, your own lack of action in direct support of you. It might mean a change in residence, life partners, friendships, jobs, financial status, gym club memberships.... You might have to undertake a process of re-informing and re-inviting your circle of influence (old or new) to who you are and what you want, require or are hoping for. You might have to ASK and be SPECIFIC about the kinds of support you believe you need as you move towards what you are hoping for....You might have to go back to school, sacrifice chocolate cake at 10 pm, feel the anxiety of life without a nicotine, alcoholic or other self destroying something. You might have to speak, share, network, eat, love, pray (hey it was a good book) in whole new ways. You may need to sit and ponder, take responsiblity, forgive, grow, stretch.... When you have a hope - you are getting a wake up CALL on something from within - it's up to you to give it a voice, determine "what" and take action and begin to make it real.. and sometimes, well, often, that stuff is best done with a trained professional at your side in the form of a well qualified coach who's traveled the hope waterways with others.

As I close, I'm reminded of when the summer Olympics were last on television I was involved in co-training a group of incredible people in coaching skills. Before the class began we were all talking about Michael Phelp's incredible physical prowess in the pool. The entire group was electrically charged positive about watching this incredible young man who was seemingly unstoppable. In preparation for the next day's class I found a quote from Michael. "I wouldn't say anything is impossible. I think that everything is possible as long as you put your mind to it and put the work and time in to it. Hope is where it all starts."

Here's hoping you got something out of this one.
C

For those of you who feel a bit paralyzed because you've "given up hope," are "afraid to hope" or even laugh or cry at the thought of "hoping beyond hope" you might want to try this exercise to get you opening up to the possibilities once more. Self-limiting conversation is crafty and often insidious and it is the number one "hope" killer on my BillBoard Charts.

• Grab a piece of paper and turn it sideways or landscape. At the top write down what you are hoping for or have given up hope on. Draw three lines down the paper and create four columns. Label the columns 1, 2, 3 and 4.
• In column 1 write down as simply as you can any negative beliefs you have about yourself which are getting in the way of what you hope for. (I am fat. I am stupid. I am unloveable.)
• In column 2 write down in a far bolder fashion, an opposite or positive statement to correspond with the negative one. (I am curvy. I am intelligent. I am loveable.)
• In column 3 jot any memory of a time which supports column 2's simple positive statement about you.
• Cross out each word in column one, one at a time.
• Stop and read aloud column 2 and column 3. Seriously. ALOUD. As LOUD as you can.
• Review this list daily for 15 days, and each time, read it aloud to yourself. As the days move forward, in column 4, add any new thought, emotion, action or event which supports you in getting out of the way and moves you forward toward what you are hoping for.

Glimpse 16 - What you value, is you...

Everyday I wake up looking forward to starting my day. I'm one of those seriously "happy" people in the morning... as long as I have my dog and coffee ritual, aka my time with God. Take that two step dance out of my autonomous morning movement and the rest of the waking hours just aren't as fulfilling or 'right' in the world for me. In the coffee piece it isn't the caffeine in the coffee that draws me forward, it's the ritual of making it, the precision, the sounds, the smells, the taste, the quiet that is over the world as I sip. The dog routine - her warmth, her generosity of spirit and her ability to dance and smile back at me as we put her harness on her each morning to "go outside." She sleepily puts up with me, raising a paw here, ducking her head there, leaning against my legs as she prepared to stumble in to her day too. We come back from her morning constitutional and she gets her treat and I drink mine. We spend time in the kitchen talking to one another about what the day might bring, no matter what I tell her, she's always tail waggin enthusiastic. Within all of it, my morning gratitude for waking one more day to do what I do is a conversation with my God and all around me, is my delight.

And so it comes to me today - that when I look through my list of "values" also known as your personal operating system, those two rituals hold me fast to my life and a continuation of the world as I like to see it. Values are tricky. They are belief's we hold true to create our lives around. We show up every day with this invisible operating system, and many of us don't even know which ones are the top or bottom of lists, let alone what's coming at you in the form of a partner or co-worker or relative.

Here is a list of "values" words. Pick out three or four sets that ring "right" for how you like to show up each day.

Say, I value being a/an person who enjoys __fill in the blank__.

Adventuring/Risk taking/The Unknown
Contributing/Improving/Saving
Beauty/Grace/Refinement
Creativity/Design/Invent
Catalyst/Impact/Change
Discovery/Learning/Investigating
Feelings/Empathy/Emotions
Pleasure/Gratification/Delight-Joy-Bliss
Spiritual/God/Faith/Conviction
Leadership/Influencing/Motivating/Guiding
Relatedness/Connecting/Networking
Teaching/Instructing/Illuminating
Mastery/Skillful/Expert
Sensitivity/Gracious/Pleasant
Winning/Victory/Competing

Now that you have your unique sets of words - how do you succeed in "getting" that in your daily life? Can you find a way in any relationship or work effort you put forward to utilize or at the very least see what you believe is important in your life? Do the "important people" in your life know what you value/is your belief system? Do you?

Knowing our values is very important; left unnoticed and untended they/we can twist and turn our lives into self-sabotaging, misunderstood, under achieving palaces of Ugh. If you are a parent of a 12 - 21 year old you may want to offer this exercise to your kids and find out how different or same their beliefs are from yours. Even if you share some of the same "words" as values, how you define them may be a horse of a completely different color. So dig in and modify the words to best reflect what you value.

Neurologists and psychologists tell us our best motivators to keep us moving forward towards our own greatness are the internal ones, and those are based primarily on your value system. Knowing what lights you up and makes the world a better place can create greater ease in making decisions and moving forward in your life. Informing and inviting ourselves and others to a process which says, "this is who I am and what I'm about" can make for greater understanding, support, cooperation and focus in our days, weeks, months and years together.

Get your game on, start noticing where you end and someone else begins. No one could possibly be 'exactly' like you, within those differences is the music of our lives, the dance ensues. Take conscious responsibility for who you are and what you are creating in your life. "Know thyself." It's a good thing, what you value, is you.

C

Glimpse 15 - Not feelin it...

I've been absent for a time from posting in this space - not the one in my head however... It seems I'm coming up against "posters block" - the block you put in front of yourself from posting what you believe might really hack some other people off. I make it my business to not make other people 'wrong' about how and what they see as their lives, their choices, their viewpoints... and yet I make it my full time job lately to make myself "wrong" about having a thought, an opinion, a voice...

So.. to those of you who have written as to where the blogs have gone - they are here - they are forthcoming - I am unraveling a few things before I re-post.

Sometimes the best thing to "do" when you aren't feelin prone to create, illuminate, espouse, share thought or worse do something you force upon yourself is to just sit by the side of the road and watch what shows up.

I'm there.

Where are you?

Glimpse 14 - Get the lead out, knowing when to say when...

I'm a workaholic. I enjoy it. And.. heroin addicts enjoy heroin so it doesn't say much for me now does it? I once subscribed to the thought of - if you are going to do anything, do it well and do a lot of it. Now that I'm running my own coaching organization... not so much. Now I am taking a course on overcoming self-sabotage ... man is THAT ugly.... I sense a change in the wind beneath my tired wings, it's called self care... knowing when, knowing how, knowing what and then.. doing it.


Since I started coaching over ten years ago I have always asked the people who I serve to come to their appointment with a glass of water, a pad of paper and a pencil. When they inform me they have a computer or a pen to take notes with - I reaffirm, I prefer you use a pencil. When they press on with what's so special about a pencil, I tell them the little story of the woman who taught me how to get the lead out.


Renee explained, a pencil; like energy and our attention span has a rather pre-determined use based on it's lead. It has the ability to get dull and need sharpening - just like our energy and our attention span. It has the ability to break, be crisp, clear, smudged... you got it... just like our energy and our attention span. A pencil does have an apex of personal best in it's point (you know, when it writes "just right" for you?)... and again.. you've got it.. so does our energy and attention span. Over use a pencil without sharpening it up and you get pretty much.. nothing. Try to keep using one some time and it will tear your paper, show half of what you wrote, cause you frustration. We won't even start on the eraser part of the pencil.


She continued.....Now the "point" (no pun intended) here, is if your proverbial pencil is dull, and you've passed your personal best, what are you creating in your life by not noticing? It isn't necessarily knowing "what" sharpens your lead, (although helpful) the question is "when" do you notice you are becoming less effective and "what" shows up to support you in getting the lead out to replenish your energy or refresh your attention span aka sharpen your pencil?


So.. in my welcome letter, I ask my clients to use pencils when they take notes. Part of coaching is about building personal awareness to make better choice for ourselves and that little story is an important first step in comprehending what lays on the coaching path ahead. Knowing when to say when is as critical in life as it is to someone pouring hot coffee in a cup you hold over your lap.


Putting self-care reminders to work for ourselves, ones we use to create awareness and encourage us to support the type of work/life balance we require is important in times of transition. For me, it's a workaholic overcoming the need to work ridiculous hours with no break and slappin on the happy face when I'm exhausted yet still over committed.


For me I have long used pencils at my desk because of Renee's story. I used to have eight of them, now I have four. When all four lay like fallen soldiers on my desk, I get up, get out of my office and do something else for awhile. My goal, by December, is to be down to a two dull pencil limit. My goal is to sustain new thoughts and actions in my self care, ones I want more of for myself.

Self care is an element workaholics, as my dear friend Joy says, "make shit up and believe" all the time. Workaholics also have a rather "all or nothing" mentality... and built within that statement, my NEW thought is yes, get my break time down to two dull pencils AND when the current four pencils I'm using are "done for" I think I may just get the lead OUT of my office with suitcase and fly rod to really practice the change in self care I preach.

Change what you want, when you want, how you want. It's all good. The one that's connected truly to you and your intentional life is just better.

Glimpse 13 - What's missing?

Mechanical toys fascinate me. Not just any mechanical toys; certain ones. Wherever I've worked and lived I've always had a wind up or mechanical-in-some-way toy collection. In two or three offices I've had well over 100 of these toys show up. You see, I didn't bring them in a big box and set them up. They just began to always appear... somehow, someone would bring one and the curious, playful, distracting collection just grew.

The last such collection grew while in Seattle in an exceptionally stressful work environment. Someone went to McDonalds for lunch and decided I needed to be the office uterus to create/birth a mechanical, plastic Inspector Gadget doll. Weekly, pieces purchased by adults ordering "Happy Meals" he began to appear before our very eyes. Not a week of parts was missed. I didn't announce I liked or was fascinated by this type of toy, I certainly didn't ask them to, yet they so enjoyed being a part of building "doo da doo da doo, Inspector Gadget." He was cute and kinda freaky. I let their ridiculousness pass and even joined in with it. Cuz that time I saw it as a reminder in life from a much earlier time. A harbinger for sure for me.

So back to the story - As these mechanical toys would show up in my offices, so did the people to play with them. I always found that as fascinating because here I was, this type A+++++ mentality, perfectionistic, over driven, over bearing, woman with a shareholders mission, stay the hell out of my way, "if it ain't broken or bleeding, keep up" woman. I didn't like reasons or excuses or petty, snipey thoughts. I didn't much care who was sleeping with who or if your kid had strep throat or your grandmother's funeral just happened to be the day of the big golf tournament kinda woman.... At one point in my other career life I was known as "The Hawk" for any number of reasons. Most of them dealing with times (a few more than I like to take credit for) at work when I didn't show compassion or kindness to those I worked for, with or amongst and therein was missing a HUGE point. I had taken big hits working my way up the ladder and if I could, you could. I swung truth like it was some billy club in a bar brawl (I'm not here to babysit you, Did you leave your brain in your other briefcase today? We'll wait, go get it.) or if you were crying about workload (you want less work? great, go talk to the homeless guy down on _insert corner of whatever town I was working in). Nice hey? Yeah. I know... now.

I had no patience for others all the way from self appointed victims to those whose intelligence was exercising the right to be human. And trust me, I would have found a place for you on that scale too... because it was the scale I lived my life and belief about myself from too. Seriously, I grew up in Minnesota. "You, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and take care of your business" was the mentality I was raised on. Even words like, "But I tried" caused me to become proficient in how to self-Heimlich at a very early age.

More to the point again, these crazy people who lived with my self-abuse and abuse still brought me these damn toys - company after company, they continued to show up. I remember the turning point when I got the intended/unintended message. It was early, it was Phoenix, I flipped on the light in my office and there on my desk was a cast iron mechanical bank called "The Stump Speaker." A sheet of paper run off the printer placed next to it said, "We hear you, we believe in you, we wish you did, get as serious about fun as you are about revenue, life is short."

That bank is still here in my home. It will travel with me for the rest of my life, wherever I am. I have no desire to know who put it there even now. Every fiber of my body still says Thank You for finally slowing down everything and putting it in black and white by telling me what you acknowledged and also saw sorely missing from my life! You were right and I knew it that morning. I had no clue what to do about it; how to effect the change, how to "show up" different. I was mortified and scared and happy and grateful all at the same time. To punctuate the urgency and importance of this matter just two months later I was diagnosed, operated on and treated for a rare, incurable (HA!) yet remarkably oddly well encapsulated and well deferentiated form of thyroid cancer.

My point with "What's missing?" is all around us are people who see us.

Know us.

Love us, in spite of who we are, because of who we are. They see it all. Those that love us with clear lenses see the what is of us AND they see the what's isn't or the "what's missing" from our lives.

Case in point 2? Pick any person in your life who has recently come to you with an 'issue' about their life. I bet YOU could tell ME in 250 words or less exactly what their issue is and how they could "fix" it. I'd bet you double or nothing, you would tell me "if they just ___" their life would be so much better. And I'd bet you again they'd agree with you yet remain un-clued on how to go about changing it.

In knowing what is missing, and sharing this gem of information with ourselves or with those people we love, we can all better see the choices we do or do not make about what we truly want.
The challenge this week?

Answer: What's been missing from your life? Too general? Get more specific, What's missing from my career or relationships? (Hint.. it's probably somewhere in the pile of what you think is a weak, useless, silly, something you've made "small" in your life for whatever reason... it might even be in that list those "well intentioned" people keep verbally and non verbally trying to expose you to.) Do take some time with this one, be truthful AND gentle with yourself. Title it, "What's MISSING from MY life? "

After you create the list, take off your thinking/feeling cap and read it aloud, one at a time and very quickly respond to"Is this true? Is _____ missing from my life?" (Don't stop to think, rationalize or analyze it, just ask and notice your immediate mental, physical or spiritual response. The truth never lies to you.)

Knowledge is power. You now know more about what has been missing from your life and are truly at choice - you get to seek it out, adapt, change, study, expand, challenge and take responsibility for going for it! -- or not.

Had I ever taken the time to sit down, even for 5 minutes, in a quiet room and asked myself that question and truly listened to myself back THEN, as often as I do now (once a month) I know it would have made a difference in every element of how and what I focused my success in life on.

Take a look around at your version of the toys and toy bringers in your life too. The messages are staring you in the face too, take time, at the very least, to comprehend them.

C

For those of you who want more tangible steps on how to go about creating what you want AFTER you have completed this exercise, join the free teleclass. March 16, 2010 at 8 PM Central entitled "What's Missing?". View or sign up at http://www.ko-ching.com/Free.htm

Glimpse 12 - Contrast and Compare

I grew up in Minnesota. My families roots have been here for several generations. My 88 year old parents still live on their own, happily, within a one mile radius of where I was raised. A town they are well known in for their service, contribution and vision. When it became my turn to be an adult, I married, too young, for love that went terribly awry rather quickly. Marriage moved me out of Minnesota and in to the wilds and way backs of Central Louisiana as an Air Force wife. For a girl who had grown up in "Pleasantville", those first 18 months of life as..an adult..were full of life lessons and personal tragedies and the related strategies to extract myself to safety and a better life. What I learned then, as well as what I learned along my life journey has taught me much about myself and what I want for my life, the risks I'm willing to calculate, fall or rise from. I found I'm made of pretty strong stuff for a girl from "Pleasantville."

Today I get the pleasure, truly, of spending an hour or so with other graduates from my high school class - we call ourselves the Lunch Bunch. Moving home to MN after being on that road that has taken me through four well established careers and yet another marriage and divorce, surviving a rare form of cancer, the birth and womanhood of my only daughter and the physical and emotional embraces of thousands of good people and places. And I can tell you, it's been all good, some was just better.

As I contemplate meeting up with all those cronies from 1974 I find myself always 'preparing' to be amongst them, much like I've heard other people 'prepare' to be with their family during the holidays. In coaching, there is a term we teach coachee's about - it's called, "Contrast and Compare." And it is within those three words I find myself, each time I walk in to this group of fabulous, intelligent, fun loving, well lived life old friends and acquaintances. It takes me back to when I stood, cap and gown, blue and gold, the draft was ending, life seemed huge and the road before me now brings merit to "if I only knew now, what I knew then" as a truth in my own life.

I contrast and compare myself to the woman I was then, to the one I am now. In performing this step, in this case, my contrast today shows me, I had an intention for my life all along yet wasn't fully conscious or uncovering or utilizing it up until about 12 years ago. I also note that when I compare myself to the woman I was at 17 to the one who sits here this morning at 53, I do literally laugh out loud. The 17 or 53 year old me, remains, pretty much the same at the core. My innane sense of curiosity was born out of being scared to death of being seen as stupid and while much of that remains, I focus my curiosity now on pursuits that life me, attract me, that I want to learn or know about. My ability to sit on the phone for hours at a time as a young girl, listening, cajoleing or advising or coaching my male or female peers about whatever it was that was so damn difficult about life back then, remains and is now something I'm actually professionally trained, adept and quite good at doing - now, I get paid for it with money, as well as with the love and regard I once received as being part of their getting unstuck and moving forward.

Still, the other core value of mine (besides curiosity) that shows up today is one of connection. In this Lunch Bunch group, we all had a known place at one point - a place when we try to put the current round whole person into their old square peg, they just don't seem to fit as well. The quiet ones now have stories they tell, the loud ones seem to listen more, the jokesters are no longer cruel or indifferent to someone's feelings, the super intelligent ones still spend more time observing and are usually done eating first, most all have children, most all have dealt with tragedy, everyone defines success differently and shows up in or on their way to their version, talk of grandchildren and even retirement comes out of the mouths of people that just yesterday were 17, like me.

To me, it is so evident, we are all connected, no matter what we've done, or where we've gone, we all remain connected to some high school experience we sprung off and up and out from into the world - to only choose to return to a monthly lunch bunch, this many years later, even some of us as strangers to one another - because of the basis of a connection from Rosemount Senior High School, Class of 74, 73, 72, 75, 76. How powerful a connection is that? To want to break bread, re-learn and know, laugh with and touch the lives of people who used to wander the halls, pass notes, deal with the broken hearts, the bad grades, the winning of awards or athletics, family issues - who unknowingly but with bravery stood and stared out at life, took off and made of it what any of us has.

In contrast, I lived blindly for a lot of years, out of touch with who I showed up as versus just was - who I wanted to be and doing things I thought would lead me to something I thought I wanted to only figure out it wasn't "it". I'm still doing it, to a lesser degree than I was, but I'm still reacting to life more than responding to it in a lot of ways I'll figure out yet.

So what about it... This Lunch Bunch thing grounds me. It reminds me to continue to contrast and compare me, with me. It calls forward a gap in which I can constructively take some actions to support the difference I desire. It also supports me in connections with people who had a shared life experience with me in being planted, fertilized and blooming in to something quite as fabulous as we all truly are. I see them, in their beauty; having weathered their own storms, droughts, plagues and blights and I see the strength, the resilience, the compassion their 70's indominatable spirits built a life around. In knowing and receiving our past for how well it served us, perfectly, we savor our present. And, I need to savor my present far more consciously and often to have the life I desire.

My request for you today is that you too join me in contrasting and comparing your self/life to a point in time which stands out for you clearly. Compare who you were and what you wanted to today's version of you. What's in the gap of time that shows up as important to you? What feeds your soul? Puts gas in your engine? Compells you to continue to show up each and every day of your life? Now contrast. Go back to that same point and time and see what is different about you. And note how you gained those skills, strengths, weaknesses along the way. Is it what you wanted more of? If not, what do you want more of standing in the contrast of it all? What can you do, who can you connect with to inform and invite to play a new or slightly modified way with you, the way you consciously want to grow? Do let me know.

Until the next time, I'll finish up a few things here and then be off to lunch.

Glimpse 11 - Expand vs. Push

It amazes me how often I have to "push" myself to do the things I know will expand my territory, world, curiosity. As I begin to more officially kick start or "re-launch" my own coaching organization I know exactly what I need to do. Daily. Seriously, I know it -- and yet, it's seems so damn scary, almost difficult to do it this time around.

I'm a coach. I'm professionally trained and have years of experience at this. The undertanding, comprehension and skill sets are all there for my craft, as well those necessary to build a business which makes a measureable, attainable... achievable difference in several ways. Still.. I'm filled with angst. Am I really good enough, do I really have what it takes? Hell, I even put Field of Dreams on my Netflix list to get a good shot of "If you build it, they will come." going for myself.

Each of us has this piece within us that aligns in our work with who we are. Coaching couldn't be more perfect if I would have made it up and slapped a name on it myself way back in 1985 when it truly began as a profession. I feel very blessed to 'get it' as well as I do and even more so to look out at the lives and faces of the hundred's of people I've served with who have allowed me to call myself their coach. Still that piece that aligns with who I am isn't going off as easily as it did some 11 or 12 years ago when I threw out my shingle and said, "Let's ROCK the Casbah kiddies."

You see, after training and starting Ko-ching, I took some time off from my own business to further my own and others skills and lives by beginning and work with a non-profit organization that spent five years figuring it out and all the while expanded lives, charitably, through coaching and through training coaching skills. It's a ride I don't regret and yet it's a ride that made me kinda dizzy and disoriented upon getting off of it. When I began coaching, I had no 'baggage' around it, the business of it, the chaos of what some people call coaching that isn't, the lack surrounding alot of the people in my field practicing it - coaching was just this 'thing' I had to do then and by God, I just did it. I don't recall the feelings of "holyshitamIreallygonnadothis" I have as I sit here today.

And yet.. there is nothing else. No one I'd rather be, nothing I'd rather be doing. This is my "it" in life. Supporting others in moving it up, on. Taking the higher hill and calling them forward to and through their own greatness. Listening, intently, without judgment, to someone in a place of sheer brilliance as they wander their path to figure out their own best answers and actions. Holding someone accountable to taking steps, big OR small, to re-invent their life and truly themselves within it. To have the opportunity to stand on a set of trainings, experience and ethics that is in complete agreement with my own spiritual beliefs seeing everyone as creative, resourceful and whole - right where they are, right now.. creating relationships of trust and sanctity and based on identifying reality and then altering it to a place of hope, courage, faith, trust... action. To be a part of some one else's life as a catalyst of sorts, to hear them, see them, know them as they grow and change and get more of what they TRULY want - even if it's slow or fast - it is all so very good to me. It feeds my soul.

And so it goes. What attracts me to it, what makes me me, will draw me out, self responsible for those changes and actions I need to grasp or grapple with, I will go forward. And no matter what comes, I will handle it. Because I practice what I preach. I know the difference it makes and I am, what I am. Creative, resourceful and.. very whole.

My request for you today is for you too, to identify, with great clarity, what it is that draws you forward to something compelling and beautiful, challenging or real in your life - and then, write me two ways you can have more of that today in your life.

Glimpse 10 - Mirrors..

Grocery stores are amazing places. If you go in on a mission and keep your head down and in your own little world, you miss half the fun and learning. Yesterday afternoon was one such event.

She looked harmless enough. She didn't look like a person who would limit her family in anyway yet there she stood screeching "I'd NEVER do that, why would you want to even read about thaaaht? You have five at home you never read about that. You want to spend good money on something you already read about?"

CUB is a chain of grocery stores here and as I browsed through a selection of books that said in a huge heap at an end cap yesterday, there she stood. I grant you this ecclectic mix of everything from how to groom your dog to repair a small engine to decorate a cake to fiction and other non-fiction was a pretty wild ride. Yet every book her son or husband picked up to review, she seemed to have this eagle eye complete with comment ready for them both. I actually started hiding my title selection in case this well intentioned saviour of $4.99 from my debit card launched on me.

Most people I know would tell you I am in 'coach mode' all the time - to which I say bullshit. I may be in coach mentality and curious about things, but I am not in full armour of coach mode. My first clue I was not in that mode was I wanted to make this woman, mother, wife, WRONG. Coaching seeks to make you RIGHT. Coaches believe each individual is creative, resourceful and whole, and all I wanted to do was open my sharp tongued mouth and protect these innocent men who were browsing books, probably to make HER happy to begin with, from her comments. Nobody was a winner here in my mind. Coach mode.. I dare say NOT. Unwarranted consultant mode, maybe.

I wanted to tell, not inform and invite. Asking her anything would have been a skillful manipulation towards her to see where she was grossly in error. Nope, I wanted to tell her...things like, "Hey Lady, give it a rest, I'm sure your husband is naturally attracted to looking at small engine repair, I'd rather spend time in a cold garage than in a warm house with you any day of the week, just let him just look in peace for God's sakes." Or for her son, "So what if he has a few books on paper mache sculpture at home and the last creative thing you made was celery, peanut butter and raisins, he's just looking at new creative ideas." Horrors, I noticed I started to look more at what she was reviewing. I mean really, her verbal assault on her family members was what had drawn my auditory processing in to their drama. If nothing else than to observe but then slowly created this neeeeeeed in me to report to her a smack down version of what I was watching. My desire to remind her that reading is a wonderful thing to be championed in all, to ask her how many diet cook books she already had that she apparently wasn't reading, oh it was like a water fall after a big rain; my mind awash with things to make cracks about. Coach mode? Not a bit.

It was getting too much for me to bear and she hadn't even noticed me when she bumped in to me and announced to them, "I'm done here, let's go check out" and the two quietly put down their books and followed her to a cashier.

Now my mind is awash with questions here. In the five minutes that transpired; not one word came from the mouths of the husband or the son, nor me for that matter. She or they bought nothing. It was curious to watch how people sorted a huge variety of rather disorganized mess of titles/books and even perhaps relationship.

What I noticed most? I was the one noticing what SHE was reading, SHE was limiting, SHE was labeling... and what I've come to realize is, so was I...

Glimpse 9 - Whither thou goest - the freedom of love

How do family and friends influence the decisions that create your life? Does it limit you? Set you free? Bring you safety? Comfort? Solace? Sadness? Bind you with duty or obligation? Offer guidance. Give you authority or self confidence? Enjoin you to a world of people you yourself would never spend time knowing?

In the Bible and the Talmud is the story of Ruth. A famous quotation, many people incorrectly believe to be about her love for her husband, goes like this... "And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God." News Flash - she was speaking to her mother in law, after her husband died.

My life choices are influenced a great deal by who I choose to stand with, travel with, love. Some days, it feels limiting - others more perfect than I could ever tell you. What about yours?

Ruth made her choice with conviction, honesty, love, dedication and commitment - my best guess? It was from her view/intention for her life and in complete agreement with her value system. The woman had character.

So.. the request for myself today is simple. Am I living a life in touch with my tribe; surrounded by people who I love, comprehend and support their growth and they mine? Am I living this life because I choose to or just because I wake up here each day? The difference between the two is a wide array of emotions and thoughts for me. It would be easier to not answer these questions and determine what it is I want. Easier to not develop the muscles for any of it and move on through pretending it was not my choice but more my circumstance. Ignorance is never bliss for long. Eventually it hunts me down and teaches me something.

The key in all of it seems quite apparent. Function from a place of the love of my God, of myself and remain in truthful service to others. It's where I always wind up anyway like some inherent circular reference stuck in the spreadsheet of life. Consciously I get a bit skritchy and am challenged by the absolute seeming lack of freedom in the statement "Whither thou goest, I will go" and meaning it. Yet...my inherent character and nature have been doing it my entire life without realizing it. The bottom line is no matter where I've lived around the world, no matter what big shot or little shot jobs I've had, traveling and being with people I love(d) and love(d) me back is my ultimate view of a wonderful, successful life... Ruth knew it, committed to it and by uttering the truth of it set herself free to whatever and wherever came next.

Whither thou goest, I will go. Bring it on.

Glimpse 8 - Most Important vs Most Urgent

sigh... a beautiful winter's day outside and I'm looking out on it wondering any number of things as the day begins. I'm especially wrestling with what's most important versus what's most urgent today. There are so many hob goblins running around in my life and work; it's just very important I sit with my coffee and make best choices based on the real truth of what I know.

Everyday I have several enjoyable habits or routines which seem to serve me well. I make it a practice of reading something, old or new, not on line but in printed form, for fifteen to twenty minutes each morning. I especially like to read things from my fields of expertise, health or nutrition related, biking or fly fishing - generaly non fiction... That's important. A high fiber breakfast, my vitamins, related stretching - important. Every day I have a choice of keeping up those practices or changing them based on what's most important or most urgent in my life. Letting the dog out...urgently important most mornings.

Living my life with an intention of what I desire to bring to others and life in general, as well as what I require from being and doing those actions, has a lot to do with how I arrive and in my definition of success. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off is one way of insuring myself a delayed arrival.

I've also found there is a false sense of urgency in my life that causes me to get distracted from what's most important to me. This false sense of urgency is generally me lying to myself about something or someone's "expectation" or my own abundant ability to over commit myself. In order to "know" the difference of I vs. U, initially I asked myself two questions to sort it out. "Who says it's urgent?" "Is that the truth?".

In coaching others I've learned that the term "time management" is a bit of joke to me. I don't manage time, it's gonna tick away like the metronome of life it's supposed to be, with or without me. I manage me, my actions and I do it more often than not based on what seems most urgent. To make matters more interesting, I believed and had convinced myself..somehow..that it is all urgently important to be all things, to all people, all the time.

There is a remarkable difference in my days since learning this piece. More often than not, I attempt and even succeed at setting my actions and days around what's most important; (of much or great significance or consequence) and I keep my focus on knowing what that is to me each day, sometimes in each minute. Family, friends, being of service, loving whatever I'm doing for whatever reason I'm doing it.... because I said so.....and....yes, it's the truth. I've saved most urgent for what it truly is; compelling or requiring immediate action or attention; imperative; pressing. Thankfully my urgent life has started the shift to being an important one. Most people around me seem to have noticed and supported my new awareness and choices.

The request I make of you today is quite simple... make a mental or written list of what is most important and examples of what is most urgent. Learn them, know the difference and apply to your own life at will.

For me, the dog has to go out again... it appears to be urgent. Who says it is? She does. Is it the truth? Yep. And so it goes.

Glimpse 7 - Ughy feelings, overwhelm, accountability and horoscopes

Coaches when coaching, and probably other times, engage in provocative conversation. Thomas Leonard once wrote this about it, "The key distinction in coaching is in provocative conversation vs nice chat."

That's not to say a coaching conversation isn't nice - it's just not a coaching conversation unless its provocative. (Provocative = tending or serving to provoke; inciting, stimulating, irritating, or vexing.)

It's also not to say that you have to hire a coach to have a coaching conversation - sometimes, something shows up that causes the internal coaching conversation, focused on you, what you are doing/being and moving forward in life.

Today my horoscope arrived via email, as it usually does. And.. it was one such piece and so, I share the provocative horoscope with you. Whether you are a Leo or not -- this shoe fits many I know.

Thank you Daily Ohm.

February 15, 2010
Easing Your Load
Leo Daily Horoscope

You may feel protective of your work today and fearful that your colleagues or loved ones will jeopardize the projects that are important to you.

A strong sense of responsibility can make it difficult for you to work cooperatively with others, particularly if you feel you are accountable for the results of a group project.

Delegating work to individuals you respect and hold in high esteem can help assuage your fears.

You may discover that you enjoy your personal and professional projects more when you are not overwhelmed by your workload.

You may need to accept that others will use different methods and consciously choose to allow them their autonomy. If you have difficulty delegating tasks today, begin by assigning relatively unimportant work to others.

Learning to share responsibility with others can free you from the need to work in isolation and help you avoid becoming overwhelmed by your obligations.

Often, because we are afraid to ask people for help or believe that their dedication will not match our own, we avoid delegating tasks to our colleagues or loved ones.

When you partition major responsibilities into individual tasks and allow others to assist you, you can accomplish more than you can on your own. You’ll feel confident that those you have chosen to work alongside you are capable of handling any challenges that might arise, and as a result you’ll have more mental energy to devote to your individual duties. When you freely share responsibility today, you’ll have more energy to devote to the tasks that are important to you.

Glimpse 6 - Love and a Valentine's Day Challenge

Love•a strong positive emotion of regard and affection.

Pretty straight forward isn't it. As Valentine's Day approaches, over 200 million cards will be given this year on the big February 14. At a conservative rate of $2.50 a card - that's $500,000,000 spent, five hundred million...in one day, on cards alone. I don't mean to minimize the fun of receiving cards, candy, flowers, etc..

but this year, I'm gonna start a new trend and challenge each of you in my life this year to try something different. Instead of buying me a card, or flowers or candy, I'd seriously prefer you tell me you love me and then donate money or time to any non-profit or worthwhile cause of your own choosing and tell me about it.

Maybe it's paying for two latte's at the drive thru, yours and the person behind you.. seeing an older couple or a single mom or dad at brunch with their kids and anonymously picking up the tab.. maybe it's volunteering your time at a local care facility or staying a moment or two longer with someone down on their luck right now in conversation to after working out, in the grocery store or after a church service on Sunday. Maybe it's picking up the phone and offering some time to someone you love and haven't reached out to in awhile. Maybe it's giving up that close parking spot and allowing the gal with four kids and a dog to have it... maybe it's $10 to the American Cancer Society or MS or Big Brothers Big Sisters. It could be deciding to pledge that day to raise money and walk in the Breast Cancer walk or ride your bike as far as you can in the MS rides or any other therein. It might mean trying to recycle more often or conserve water or energy in some manner - whatever it is..it needs to be a strong, positive emotion of regard and affection - for someone. From you.

If you choose to take on this challenge, I warn you now, it can be life altering. The simple act of anything done from a foundation of love - kindness, donation of your hard earned cash, talents..time, is an energy extended from you, in to the world of others. It expands your territory in ways I cannot describe. It matters, it changes you, it changes who receives it - and I've never NOT seen it make a difference.

Finding the "what" you want to do and with who and when you want to do it on Valentine's Day takes considerable insight in to yourself. Which is perhaps what I like most about this challenge. It can be as close to home as your sweetheart or family members or it could be further out in your circle of influence. To be able to give from a place of love is potentially the single best place to give from. It can even become a habit.

In our world, there are so many score sheets and tabulations - in giving from love, all those go out the window. In giving from love, you care not what you get back, you keep no tabs....you care only to give heartfully to those areas you have a strong positive emotion of regard and affection, because that's how love works. Anything else doesn't.

Happy Valentine's Day to each of you - and to those of you who take this challenge on February 14 or any other day of the week, let me know how it goes for you. What you thought, felt, learned.

I love you. And saying it to you didn't cost me a dime.

Glimpse 5 - Trying

I did it yesterday. I tried. I tried SO hard... and I failed. And, as fate would have it, I got to hear myself later from a digital recorder erroneously left on in my purse. I was overwhelmed with personal insights from what I heard hours later playing back at me.

A lot of people might tell you if you don't try, you'll never get anywhere. This isn't the kind of "try" I'm talking about. This isn't the figure it out, gain awareness, take a run at it version of try... this is the no plan, no focus, no awareness, thinking I'm helping everyone, just "throwing stuff at the wall and seeing if anything sticks" to make us all feel better kind of try... This is what I call, the blind try.

Within this conversation I heard me attempting to gain clarity, inject levity, make it "okay" for others and be strong. And what I heard was a woman with inappropriate humor, showing signs of confusion and pain for something completely out of her control with some relief and some fear. I heard me "trying" to find a better space for someone I love and completely missed the point that I was the one needing those things, not them.

How many times have you said this... "I try to make him/her happy, but nothing ever works?" "I tried to fix it, but it's still broken." "Every time I try to do something nice for ____, they never appreciate it." Don't assume you know what others need or want because it's probably some story you are making up and believing in. Shall I go on? Welcome to the blind try.

Here's what I learned a new layer on in personal relationships and life.

Stop blind trying, start asking.

First ask yourself, "what do I need?" then, take care of that. Communicate with yourself, translate it into potential 'best actions' and move on it as best you can. Inform and invite others, as warranted, to support this in any way you choose.

Secondly, ask the other person(s) involved, "how can I support you best?" and then LISTEN and figure out a way to either do that, or have a conversation around it.

Third.. when in any setting, especially in the 'high stakes' ones - truly listen to yourself - the outside and inside voice - for what it is you are seeking. If you have trouble with objectively hearing or seeing yourself with this piece, then do find and use a digital tape recorder, video recorder and play it back - outside of coaching, there is no better mirror to reflect who and what we are better than ourselves. This skill of listening to ourselves is grossly underrated and a muscle needing greater development in our culture.

For me, I'm going to be working on being fully present and getting my own needs met in a way that doesn't get in the way of supporting the beautiful people I have around me. What about you? Are you ready to listen to yourself, be responsible to yourself and show up? Are you ready to ask others how to support them best and go with it?

Stop trying. Start being.

Glimpse 4 - Strategic, aHa moments

There are moments in every lifetime where in just a matter of seconds, everything changes. And I do mean everything.

Someone dies, is asked to marry, is asked for divorce, finds out they are pregnant, are told they have cancer. Perhaps it is; loses a job, gets a huge promotion, starts a business, goes back to school, loses weight, stops smoking, eats healthier, gets a flat tire, overhears gossip...

Whatever it is, there are these aHa! moments in our reality when we strategically define and re-define ourselves or let something that seems bigger than us, define us for us. Our attitudes, our actions and our outcomes are determined by our choices.

Which reality will I choose in my next aHa moment? The one that empowers me and keeps me from the abyss or the one that throws me deep inside it? I've done both. Both work. Both are places I've been in. Either way, the choice is mine and in truth, it is all good. For wherever I am, I am. Knowing what my intention for my life is, truly helps me keep my focus and empowers me daily to continue on, no matter what.

Each day, we get up, we have opportunities before us in how and what we listen to, learn from, groove with, move forward with or towards -- respond or react to (there is a difference)... each day is full of moments that are either flowing with what we want or interupting our lives in self or socially perceived positive or negative fashions to create those aHa moments... Keep clear your intentions for yourself, find your focus and... what's most important, in my glimpse this morning, is for all of us to understand that seeing, hearing or knowing a part or all of anything and what we feel/think or do about it, is up to each of us.

Groove on oh mighty warriors - we all have what it takes - some just don't know it yet.

Glimpse 3 - Choosing to be with

I heard a woman say this recently, "I choose to be with you."

It left a definite impact on me.

Who do I choose to be with?

There are people I choose to be around, be near, be working with - but who do I choose to BE with.

The choice is mine. The choice is yours.

Always, all ways.

Glimpse 2 - Compliments - Acknowledgment - Encouragement

In coaching we spend a great deal of time acknowledging people. I initially believed acknowledging was offering a heart felt compliment to someone. I was kinda right and kinda wrong.

Complimenting is a groovy thing to give and to get!
"Nice report, Mary." "Great tie, Larry." Compliments.

Acknowledgment goes deeper. "Mary, the details you provided in this report really made the solution very clear. You really shared a gift with your team in this one." "Larry, you seem to always know how to brighten our day with your appearance, your sense of style is something I really appreciate." Acknowledgments.

See the difference. One is catching the person "doing" something - the other is catching the person "contributing something they value" in our world, they are sharing a piece of their character. And it often has little to do with what you might believe, see first or even find important for you - it's all about the other person and you noticing and calling out their contribution in their most natural state.

And from compliment to acknowledgement it's kinda like the difference between a sip and a gulp of water. And most of us are very thirsty people....

Sometimes we toss, offer, give a compliment or an acknowledgment when our intention is to offer encouragement. Again, there is a difference in each one of these.

Encouragement is the act of supporting or helping. Ask any athlete what cheering can do for them or their team, ask a person who is grieving what good a kind hand and a broad shoulder is to them, stop by any food shelter, remember back to 911, turn on CNN and witness Hurricane Katrina, Haiti - encouragement pours forth from us.

Today, I got a compliment, an acknowledgement AND encouragement. In baseball terms, the bases are loaded! I am bursting with possibilities and opportunity. I am seen, heard, present in some lives I happen to adore and respect -- all for showing up and doing what I love to do.. What could be easier? Without these three things added in to my mix on occasion, from self or others... well a lot of things would be easier than doing what I love.

The purpose of a compliment, an acknowledgment and encouragement in coaching is to give someone space and time to see the expanse that lays before them, to show them they have all the tools they need to do what it is they love or want to do, and do it well and potentially you'll be cheering for them. It's the proverbial, catch someone doing it right, story.

Some of us have been intentional in creating the home, work, social and familial relationships we want and even require in our lives. Some of us have not been so conscious about it and are dealing with what we have created. In creating your circle of influence that surrounds you today I request you to go out to three vallued people in your life and offer 1 compliment, 1 acknowledgement and 1 encouragement. And notice the response from the person you offer it too -- and then notice your own response - as well as what transpires over the next week or so.

In my coaching, the thing I probably love most of all is hearing each person come bravely forward in their life knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they have learned some new thing and have put it to practice to better their own life and the lives around them. Learning and putting action to these three skills has absolutely made my life rich and real with deep connections to others, as they are. Avatar got this one right. I see you.... and the coach in me would add, and you are magnificent.

So go on... you can do it... I believe in you... you really do have what it takes.

C