Glimpse 26 - What are you good at?

A challenging question was posed to me by a very dear and very respected friend. I contemplated re-organizing what it is I call myself and what it is I do and how best to get there and he simply asked, "What are you good at?" I said I wasn't certain of any of it any more... So he asked if he could make a request (I grin because coaches know there are three ways to go when someone makes a request of you - yes you may, no you may not or counter offer the request with some changes....) His request was for me to sit down and note all the things I'm good at - whether I enjoyed them or not, just make note of them. I accepted the request. Hung up the phone and I began.

The MS Word screen from my computer stupified me and I sat with a blank document for 20 minutes. I switched to paper and pencil and a new venue, at my dining room table. The paper sat blank for 10 minutes. Then I began to quietly cry.

I'm a big stickler for truth and clarity with others and of course, with myself. I felt and thought I could write down, good cook, good music afficianado, good driver, good pet owner, good -- well you get it.. I thought those things would come tumbling out - and those and more - didn't.

I was stopped, dead in my tracks unable to write or utter a word. And I sat with a sadness I had not felt in years... and years... It was like writing it down made some declaration of certainty, I am good at _____! What always came to mind was I would think of someone else who could do it better than I or how I didn't know the definition of "good"... really... I didn't? It all boiled down to me saying, I'm good at being me. And therein, more tears appeared. I think it was telling me something. I was quite sure I didn't believe myself.

Coaches listen for pace, pitch, tone and timber in people's voice. Coaches listen for engagement, connection, disconnection, hesitancy, courage, bravado, intention, consistency, doubt, certainty, passion, disillusion - and a million other things... And in listening to myself I found I had left myself quite unconvinced that I knew much of anything about me. Really.

And all this came about because I want to re-engineer what it is I do, how I support, what I teach and how I myself learn and provide service in this world - with one powerful question. "What are you good at?" I could debate that what I am good at might not matter one iota about what it is I do or create next. If that were true, why all the emotion, doubt and self-ridicule around such a simple question.

We all often get "stuck" in our own belief systems when it comes time to make a decision about something just a titch further out beyond our comfort levels. Knowing what our belief's are and taking time to examine how they push or pull us forward is an important piece of work in each examined life I get paid to work with... well any life for that matter.

And in my own... it is a struggle... and I will not short cut this piece for myself on my way to wherever else it is my curiosity and desire to be of service will take me. When I come up and out of this box, I will be able to stand up and say, I am good/great/excellent at _____. And a part of being able to say it, even if it's only to myself, I am quite certain, is whatever comes up will be those things I know I want to learn even more about.

I'm also going to make a list that says, "Things I suck at or know nothing about and want to know more about ____." Perhaps one will support the other, perhaps not. I don't know, but I do know, for myself, I'm going to find out what I believe I'm good at.

If you can answer the question with the ease I thought I could before I started the exercise, bravo!!! Do share.... if not... take some time with it and do let me know, What are you good at?

Glimpse 25 - Glimpses of hope on the horizon

Good intentions, focused intentions, intentions for the greater good and their related programs, products and people who take action to deliver them never die... there are glimpses of hope on the horizon. I am pleased.

Glimpse 24 - In service to what?

"The key to power when it comes to your work life is to remember that you are there in the service of God. Our career is not something that we go out and find. Your perfect career is something that emerges from deep within you. When you are aligned with the truth within yourself then you magnetize people and circumstances which align with that truth. When you are disassociated with the deeper truth about yourself then you create situations in your life which reflect that disassociation." -- Marianne Williamson Meditations for a Miraculous Life

I heard that yesterday morning as I began a new "Monday Musings" time for myself - an hour, rich and rife with fodder and content of meditation lead by someone else's inner to outer dialogue, someone other than my own. And I adored this passage because it hits so deeply to what I've learned in my own life and most especially from coaching countless people and organizations the last 10+ years.

The key to power... it starts... power... not like "I am the King or Queen of" but more like "gas in my tank" is how I took that... an abundant source of energy, to have choices = power. So many people have walked through my life door, tired, exhausted, without power, searching for something they don't seem to be able to grasp - a new job, an enhanced relationship, more productivity from self, sales people or fund raisers, inspiration to be a better teacher, principal, engineer, minister, health care worker, parent, more money, more time, more fun, more purpose -- all of it, right there in the center of their soul... just not connected yet.

If I asked you the information on your driver's license, you'd be able to rattle it off quickly to me. If I asked you what are the five most important belief's you hold and function from daily - I've not been as successful finding anyone able to rattle them off on their first try. What does this say about your own alignment with what Marianne calls the "aligned with the truth within yourself?" And if, by chance, you can rattle them off quickly, can you define them for me and tell me how they show up in your life and choices daily, supported by you and those around you? Yeah, well... there ya have it.

Each of you who have worked with me know about those first few weeks of exploring and learning your value system and what you need or require daily to have the kinds of days you want to live in or the success you want as you define it. So this comes as no surprise to any of you - how completely out of touch most people are with what makes them tick and how completely unaware of it they are. Coaching is about that... it is about discovering what the truth in you is, empowering you (putting gas in your tank) to draw you forward, willingly, not push you forward... and yet......... in service to what?

My sense here is that the successful people I've worked with may or may not call what their life's work or passion is "in service to God" in all cases - yet if you perceive the world around you as a place with living, breathing people that you love, you can call it whatever you want. Without the "in service to" something outside yourself - without that connection to something bigger, greater, more peaceful, cooler, warmer, quieter, whatever-er, people seem to falter, stall and become like the gerbils in the cage on their treadmills. Get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed, take a vacation once a year. Ugh.

In working with teens I often hear how much pressure is put upon them (and I also hear this in the 40+ crowd too) to be anything, to go anywhere, to have the world as their oyster, how lucky they are... and I so disagree with the open ended thoughts of "being anything." Their answers aren't out in the big wide world of expansive career skies, their answers are within. Often small and unheard, untended and undernourished... And perhaps, so are yours. You can be anything, anything you want to be, are connected with from the inside out...

If all you want is a job to get ahead, to pay the bills, to go to in the morning - go for it. If what you want seems impossible to get to from where you are - work with a coach - it's not impossible.

I have a client who, for fun, is an incredibly passionate guitar maker and hobby farmer - you ought to hear this person LIGHT UP when they talk about it - and then in the next sentence, they talk about corporate businesses and, the energy goes away and the "shoulda's" show up.

Does this mean this incredibly curious, kind, intelligent person needs to quit their day job and become a luthier and farmer for their living? No. Not necessarily. What these things do tell us is to dig a little deeper in the well of connecting our work and our life to things we enjoy and love. It gives us "power."

This person is a helluva an entrepreneur and biz dev, management/leadership oriented person - what if they applied the skills they love to something in the field of agriculture or hand crafted instruments instead of 'other' ilks? I don't even pretend to know that answer, because it's not my question to answer - it's his, it's yours...... then what?

The what if game is one YOU have to play with yourself, in service to something, a cause, a passion, a love, a deep connection that occurs naturally between you and something else..something that aligns with you, your soul, your interests -- then, and only then will you find this power.. this power of alignment, magnetization and attraction. Then and only then are you really on the road to unlocking the answers to the first of many life riddles awaiting you beyond that door.

You cannot Google your life's work or purpose. Your answers are within. Start working with someone who knows how to get the best from you and or your organization soon... Hire a 'real' coach... (That's a whole nuther story for another day...)

So you work, you live your life... in service to what?

I remain, in service to each of you who come bravely forward to unlocking what's next in your own lives and or organizations.